Christians put Priest Rapes in my Mailbox

I found this in the mail the other day: two DVDs in a plastic slip along with some photocopied scripture and the words “God Bless You.” I assumed it was your usual preachy shit that churches around here like to… preach, until I saw the first disc was labeled “PRIESTS RAPE’S” and the other one “Baby Elephant.” Um, interest piqued?

Granted, If you want people to follow your cult, sect, religion whatever, it’s a strange move to hand out information name-checking one of the church's most heinous crimes ever, but that's just the start of it. Check out some of the other weird shit this person or persons have deemed relevant to the spreading of God's love (PS: The stuff that I’m showing you is a mere speck of the hours and hours of content included on both discs )

News special about new prehistoric human remains that have been found. Seems a tad inappropriate. Aren’t we all descendents of Adam and Eve? Unless we're supposed to believe the array of bones above are actually the actual bones of Adam, then including something like this probably isn't going to convert me to Christianity. At least not the weird anti-Dinosaur brand of Christianity I get the feeling these guys are pushing.

Among the mish-mash of random clips was this three-hour documentary about the priest pictured above (Father Birmingham) sexually abusing the kid shown below. I wanted to watch the entire thing, but there was still so much unexplored territory. Perhaps another time…

Just before the “Priest Rapes” section was this documentary about human shit. I have no idea what this was doing in there. In the scene above this guy gets sucked into the toilet in the middle of a crap to the horror and surprise of his fellow Gs.

Finally, over four hours in, Jesus Christ.

I thought this was the best random, irrelevant thing these god people included. In some ways, she’s the new bringer of hope. Hope to old bags everywhere who consider a double The Bill episode with a warm drink and a kiss from their husband for doing a good job of ironing their underwear a riveting night. Oh wait, she isn’t married. Well at least she’s rich and successful.

The creation of new life? The hope of new life? The miracle of the common elephant? I have no idea how a baby elephant is supposed to bring me closer to the creator, but p retty cute all the same.

So evidently these God people are pretty open-minded about other religions, too. This was a really interesting documentary about “Santa Muerte” in Mexico. The dregs of society who have been shunned from Roman Catholicism flock to a home-temple set up by a local woman who's cashing in on the hysteria. I want one of those statues.

And what’s this? Satanic rituals? By this point the DVD started to feel like a religion palette deluxe. Serving the best, from Catholicism to cult. This screen shot was from a 70s-looking seminar with all those lame archaic wipe-out and wipe-in transitions. And Finally, the creepiest vignette of all…

A droning mumble of parliamentary voices and rebuttals. Perhaps government is the only thing that is ever going to properly run our lives from now on? Anyhow, I feel as interested about this as the curly haired woman behind our national treasurer. To whoever made this: I'm not anymore inclined to join your kooky church than I was before I watched this. However, I could be persuaded into coming to your next screening.