The NHL playoffs are a weird time.
The playoffs are when the beards grow long, the beer flows like a sweet, glorious river, and the darts get smoked through nervous trembling fingers.
Perhaps no one knows that as well as Jason Maslakow, a man who after driving to Washington DC for the second game in the Maple Leafs-Capitals series, shot to fame through the sheer power of a painted but happy grimace and a well-placed dart between his lips. After being caught on camera, unlit dart dangling from his mouth, Maslakow unknowingly became the NHL's new favourite meme, and a folk hero in Leafs Nation.
Maslakow's birth name has now been forgotten—to the world he is now known simply as Dart Guy. May his reign be long and glorious.
We here at VICE invited Dart Guy out to our Toronto office to hack darts and crush some tall boys. We were about halfway through our Molson Canadians when I posed him the all-important question: Who is going to win Game 4 tonight between the Leafs and the Caps?
That's right, we forced Dart Guy to go all Mark Messier for tonight's playoff game. Guess who he picked to win…
Yeah, you were right, it was the Leafs but that's not all. Here's how the game is going to go down according to Dart Guy, hockey's newest Nostradamus.
The first period will be tight.
"It's gonna be a rough game in there," Dart Guy prophesied. "Washington knows that the only way they're gonna be able to slow down the Leafs is to hit 'em. And the Leafs have proven that they're not scared of a physical game, either. So I'm looking forward to a pretty intense game."
After a scoreless first, the second period finally opens up courtesy of Conner Brown, who shall open the scoring with a nice little wrister. Washington will then tie it up.
"What happens next, Dart Guy?" I pleaded.
"Man, you're really putting me on the spot here. OK, let's go with Marner taking the winner tonight," he said, looking into the future. "Marner is going to carry it in, he's going to set the play up and, he's got the shot to do it and he'll just put it right in."
There we have it, folks. Dart Guy has unwillingly called it: 2-1 for his beloved Leafs with the rookies Brown and Marner getting the goals.
If he's right, for the love of God, someone buy this man a beer—if not, fuck it, buy Dart Guy a beer anyway.