Disco and rock music have had a tortuous relationship at the best of times. Most of the long-haired, moustachioed, riff-hungry world turned on the genre completely, culminating in a bizarre homophobic fit of vinyl burning rage at the infamous Disco Demolition Night rally. Yet what those leather jacketed bros tossing Donna Summer records into the flames forgot, or possibly chose to ignore, was every terrible time a rock band had tried to band-wagon on disco's success and produced a piss-weak fuddy-duddy crunchy-cum-clunky attempt at something vaguely funk shaped. Since the lights first began drawing the lost souls of New York into Studio 54, ageing and out of shape blokes who look like Geography teachers have been trying to trade their Les Pauls for vocoders and failing miserably.
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It didn't always go wrong. The Rolling Stones did a pretty good job, and it is easy to forget that before the BeeGees became one of the greatest disco outfits of all time they were a mock-Beatles pop-rock band, yet for every "Night Fever" there has been a poorly executed, cynical, commercially exploitative record, written about "dancing the night away" by bearded men in cowboy boots. Here is every time it was awful, and just how awful it was…Featuring a string of lyrical vagueries including "hold me squeeze me", "why don't you wear your pretty red dress", and "I've never felt a love so strong". Like your perennially single uncle trying to write a Valentine's card.The Grateful Dead, in my head at least, sound like Phish and I actually don't know what Phish sound like but they probably sound like Rush, who I haven't heard of either, but probably sound like both Phish and the Grateful Dead. This track, which I definitely have heard, is absolute pish, a Miller Lite weak approximation of what disco is and what disco does.There's always been quite a strong whiff of embarrassment hanging around post-Beatles Paul McCartney. The permanently-up thumbs, the haircuts, this video, the "Macca" moniker, this video, "Freedom" — it all adds up to something quite unpalatable. What's he trying to do here? Paul, mate, what are you trying to do here? Is this meant to be an attempt at a Chic record, Paul? Are you trying to be Nile, Paul? You're Paul, he's Nile, you made a few alright tunes that spawned a nation of terrible, terrible bands populated by teenagers with feathercuts, Nile was fucking disco.
The Beach Boys - "Here Comes the Night"
The Grateful Dead - "Shakedown Street"
Paul McCartney - "Dress Up Like a Robber"
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Queen - "Body Language"
The Hollies - "Wiggle that Wotsit"
This is a song called "Wiggle that Wotsit" by a band called the Hollies. You might remember the Hollies for their saccharine, maudlin, piss-poor Capital Gold anthem "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother." You might not though because you probably aren't a 60 something bloke in a pringle sweater and slacks, leafing through the Saga cruise brochure. It came out in 1976 which is a good 17 years before the crisp we know and love as the Wotsit first hit the shelves and began permanently altering the skin tone of greedy children the nation over, which, you have to admit is quite an accolade. Certainly more than this shocking cash-in deserves, anyway. Wiggle that fucking Wotsit indeed.
The Clash - "Magnificent Seven"
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