I’m a Drag Artist Married to a Straight Woman. This Is Our Love Story.

For the longest time, 30-year-old Patruni Sastry was “repelled” by the idea of marriage. Something about the whole deal just didn’t sit quite right with them. Always one to go against the grain, Sastry is an “anti-drag artist.” 

“All drag comes from a very personal take that’s subjective,” they told VICE. “I wanted to use disgust as a vehicle to express myself. Anything that’s deviant is heckled and looked down upon, but I wanted to embrace it.”

In the many videos from drag shows on their social media handles, Sastry subverts the conventional notion of feminine beauty that has come to largely define drag. Their lipstick is deliberately smudged; waste bags are fashioned into clothes; the eyeliner runs across the face, and there is no covering up of the beard. 

It was this unconventional approach to all things beauty and drag that appealed to 25-year-old Rajeswari Devi when they first chanced upon Sastry. Devi, a straight woman, had been following Sastry’s work online well before their first meeting at a common friend’s wedding in October 2020. 

“At that wedding, I asked them whether the things they put on themselves were part of Bharatnatyam or Kuchipudi (classical Indian dances),” she told VICE. Back then, Devi had no idea that drag was a gender-bending art form in which a person dresses in clothing and makeup meant to exaggerate a specific gender identity, usually of the opposite sex. Devi had been following Sastry’s work out of sheer curiosity. “I also told them that I’d been stalking their profile for the past six months.”

Devi’s refreshing forthrightness helped break the ice, Sastry said. For the next few months, the two would meet often, eventually entering a relationship. At every meeting, Devi would have more questions than before: What does it mean to be pansexual? What is drag and what is anti-drag? What does it mean when people say they are gender fluid? And what is gender-bending makeup?

Devi wanted to understand Sastry’s world like she was a part of it, not just superficially. The questions she asked were precise, and she did her own online research on the side too. 

“During their IG Lives, whenever they would use a word related to drag or gender that I was unaware of, I’d immediately google it and make a note,” Devi said. “This goes on to this day.”

Even though Sastry came out as pansexual to Devi and explained to her what it meant (romantic, emotional, and/or sexual attraction to people regardless of their gender), they never really discussed marriage. 

This was until they found out that their respective families already had been hard at work trying to set them up. 

“I’m out to my parents even though they still don’t fully understand what it means to be pansexual,” Sastry said. “So when they started looking for prospective relationships, they wanted the comfort of me being in a relationship that was unfolding before their eyes.”

Though Sastry has not come out to Devi’s parents, they say they’re not consciously trying to keep their drag work or sexuality from them, either. 

“Rajeswari knows that I’m pansexual and she understands the work I do, so that’s all that matters,” Sastry added. “We got lucky that our parents were happy to see us together too.”

After getting married in August 2021 at the height of the pandemic, Devi’s world became a source of endless fascination to Sastry too. A graduate in organic chemistry, Devi immerses herself in the world of plants with a passion that amuses Sastry. 

“I keep joking that she might be straight but she is ecosexual,” they laughed. “Our house is covered with plants and Rajeswari could spend hours nurturing a sapling.”

As far as Sastry’s world of anti-drag is concerned, their wife is not simply a spectator from the outside. While she understands Sastry’s reason to have an anti-beauty approach to drag, it doesn’t stop her from “bringing back” the conventional beauty element.

On Sastry’s Instagram, both of them can be seen applying makeup together, with Sastry often in their drag avatar. “She doesn’t necessarily subscribe to my anti-beauty approach,” they smiled. “So, she paints my face in the way she feels fit. During drag shows, she’s there supporting me like a rock.

Sastry described how, during such shows, it’s Rajeswari who shines the brightest. On some days, she even designs Sastry’s look. 

“She’s always the showstopper,” Sastry said. “People come up to her and compliment her for simply being who she is: unbothered by the hate we receive, always caring, and focusing on the health of the relationship more than anything else.”

A child is definitely on the cards. The idea of a slightly bigger family, beyond the mulberry and butterfly plants adorning their home, is certainly an aspiration. But having a child is a difficult proposition for most queer couples in India. 

“I’m very much a visible drag queen who receives an endless stream of hate daily,” said Sastry. “I can’t let our child navigate the same. We have to prepare a space for our children where they can grow up safely. Until we figure that out, all we can do is be grateful for whatever the universe has given us.”

The battle with the world is on multiple fronts, even beyond the trolls and the hate comments on social media. Even within the drag community, Sastry is very much an outlier, with their unconventional approach to the form and being married to a straight woman. 

“After our marriage, my name was dropped from many drag events. Many people believed that I’ve given in to the world of straight privilege. They conveniently ignore the fact that I am still gender non-conforming with my own set of battles. People rarely want to understand the many layers wrapped in a single identity,” they said. 

Sastry’s anti-drag form is also a spirited response against the high-concept elitism that they believe has overtaken the world of drag: expensive wigs, designer clothes, events in strictly guarded spaces that only the rich are invited to. 

“My version of drag allows me the permission to not only grow out of my assigned gender and truly embrace my gender fluidity but also work against these class barriers. In my makeup and dress, I only use whatever is easily available.”

For Devi, there have been no “struggles” in this marriage and relationship. From her vantage point, it was a sequence of events that had its logical conclusion in marriage. 

“We did not start from scratch,” she said. “I did not come from a position of resistance to Patruni’s world, and the same goes for them. As long as we have each other, what more do we need?”

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