Given how much we write about the topic here at VICE, you'd think the basics of anal sex were well understood both in and out of the office. But the reality is there are still a ton of misconceptions and myths about the, uh, ins and outs of butt stuff. Can you do it too much? Does it have to hurt? Is there always poop? I put these questions to sex educator and Anal Sex Basics author Carlyle Jansen. She was shockingly patient with my weird queries and very graciously explained all things anal while I tried not to laugh because I am a childish idiot.
You want to start small. My favourite beginner toy is the Quatro. It's small, about a finger width and it's black. Black sex toys are great because they camouflage any traces of poop that might be left behind.
OK yeah cool. [tries not to laugh]
And you can insert it up the butt and use it as a butt plug while you play with your vagina or penis and if you move ever so slightly you will feel it. And then you can also, like with anal beads, enjoy a slow, you're not going too fast, a slow in and out. It feels really exquisite as the anal sphincter opens and closes. So when choosing toys to start out, don't choose something large, choose something versatile and choose something that will fit with other kinds of sex you'll be having. Read more: When Ass Eating Goes Wrong Speaking of, is there always poop? Like do you always just have to have poop on your toys or penis?
If you have what we consider "goldilocks poops," not too hard, not too soft, somewhere in the middle, there will only be traces of poop left behind. You'll get little bits on the toy or penis, especially if there's crevices but you won't encounter a big bowel movement. Is there a downside to only doing anal?
Well the only thing you don't want to do is clean out your butt too often and mess with the ecology of your butt. Other than that there's not really a downside to doing it all the time. Can you do it too much and stretch it out?
Right that's a big misconception. I don't wear diapers. There's a myth that you can stretch the anus, it doesn't work that way. It's actually relaxing the anus. The more relaxed it is the more open. In fact, a lot of people say anal sex is a great way to prevent hemmoroids because the area is much more relaxed. What if you just don't want to have anal sex? Are you sex deprived if you just skip it?
There's nothing that says you should do anything. I'm a big fan of, if you're saying no, do you know what you're saying no to? I'm not saying everybody should go out and try anal sex. I've known people and I've had a lot of lovers who have said, "You know, I'm not really good with the inside but the outside feels great!" Give it a try on the outside and often what happens is you waken the area and you crave more. Follow Amil on Twitter but don't @ her anything about anal sex please.