Michael Holden's Deleted Scenes - Your Keyboard's Bored of You

Sometimes I drink in a pub where the TV is tuned to odd things and the sound is left off. This stifles some conversations and inspires others. Folk trying to interpret a news programme based solely on images can be interesting, just as a room full of people gazing at silent adverts is depressing. Occasionally you get complete juxtapositions, footage of one band on TV, while another plays on the jukebox – and it was under those precise conditions that two men spoke up, and overturned one of the abiding paradigms of science fiction. Man #1: [looking up at the band on TV] “I used to have one of those keyboards.” Man #2: “It’s huge.” Man #1: “I always felt like it was smarter than me. You’d run a couple of things and feel good about yourself but all the time I had this feeling that I was being… tolerated. That it was waiting for me to catch up. But it would never give you any help. It just sat there, reminding you of what you didn’t know.” Man #2: “Resenting the fact that it didn’t have a smarter owner.” Man #1: “I think they’re just resigned to their fate.” Man #2: “Or they’re like a tough parent. Refusing to help you out. Insisting that you figure it out for yourself.” Man #1: “So they’re all-powerful?” Man #2: “Exactly, they already know everything. They just can’t be bothered to do anything with it. I mean that’s the real wisdom right? People think, ‘Oh, the machines will do something fiendish.’ But the truth is they’re so smart, they know there’s not even any point in being evil.” Man #1: “Why rouse yourself to enslave mankind when there’s nothing that mankind can do for you?” Man #2: [finishing pint] “I’ll see you around.” And with that he disappeared, perhaps heading home for a frank exchange of views with his toaster.

Follow Michael on Twitter: @thewrongwriter

Previously: Michael Holden's Deleted Scenes - Lenny Kravitz, World's Coolest Man