Rankin Live

July 3, 2009, 2:00pm

If you are a menopausal housewife in desperate need of some 'me-time', or a teenager with devastatingly low self-esteem as a result of your underbite, then I would recommend the Rankin Live experience.

'One day people will be paying ME to do this'

Rankin is a big-shot (overrated) photographer who has worked with every celebrity you could probably think of. He's also done a fuckload of advertising campaigns, such as the Dove search for 'real beauty', which this whole thing was very reminiscent of.

The idea is, Rankin makes a thousand people pay him £50 to take their photo. Then he hangs them all in a gallery and some of the proceeds go to charity, even though not a single person there was doing it for any reason other than to get a photograph of themselves looking hot.

Everyone participating was asked to 'dress to impress', which they did, for the most part. In fact, I think I was the only one who didn't spend a week on Net a Porter selecting my outfit.

Me: We're going for a futuristic look with a DIY twist
Rankin's assistant: LOVE. IT.

We mixed the tin foil tube top with some high end Acne trousers. I'm not very skinny but I was lubed up with nerve-sweat.

'ERE WE GO

Fancy a Rank?

The whole 'our imperfections make us beautiful' atmosphere meant that no one had the nerve to get up and tell me I looked like crap, which was worrying. Half of the people there obviously thought they were going to get a modelling contract as a result of their Next catalogue-esque portrait.

Some of Rankin's entourage are pictured below. The girl in the denim dress was totally blowing him.

Chilled out chic

We told make-up we wanted SUMFIN KERAZY!

This Liverpudlian make-up artist was telling us about how Nicola from Girls Aloud is a NUTTER!

'We 'aven't had that many 'out there' looks today. This one girl did write the lyrics to her favourite song all over her body in pen though. That was quite cool'

'What song was it?'

'Some house song from the 80s about partyin'

This is when someone came in and said 'Who's idea was the make-up? Hello?'

I also have a leg growing out my ass

I'm the same height as Woody Allen.

OMGOMGOMG, thats Rankin on my right

Is Rankin your real name?
Yeah. Its my christian name. My second christian name.

So, your middle name?
Yeah. But in my family its a tradition for the men to be called John R, and to be called by their second name.
My dad was called John Rummage, so everyone called him.. Rummage. The only people who call me John are the police and my mobile phone network.

Is it true you shot Seal and Heidi Klum with Seal wearing white body paint Heidi in brown?
Yeah.

What do you think about interracial relationships?
I love 'em. I think all relationships are good.

Are you not very good at being single?
No. I'm a rubbish single person.

You should change your name to Reliant Rankin.
I'd sound like a fackin'.. car.

Do you think people who hate on you are just jealous?
I don't really care. It doesn't affect me. Although, there was this one guy who said something about me on the Dazed Digital forum and then I found out who he was, got his number, then called him.

Rising above it. What's better, Vice or Dazed and Confused?
Dazed and Confused.

Why?
Because I own it.

We realized that when the lights were pointed at me you could see my pants through the PVC trousers. So I had to do the whole shoot holding my crotch. I was making a statement.