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It’s kind of fucked up that even though there are a few Native American Major League players, the teams with fully racist names and logos don’t employ them. Both teams’ logos feature laughing Indians, but I don’t know what the fuck is so funny. Calling your team the Indians and not having a tribesman on the team is like N.W.A. being all white people or P!nk writing good songs.Jacoby is handsome, part-Navajo, and fast enough to catch a running deer. I’d love to see him doing the tomahawk chop after clubbing a home run in Atlanta about as much as I’d enjoy seeing him on the DL for the Tribe, (after all, Cleveland loves oft-injured center fielders, right Grady?). The Red Sox aren’t going to offer him a real contract when he hits free agency, so it makes sense to give fans some ammo when civil rights groups call them racist.Brian Wilson to the Yankees
Sure, Rafael Soriano is having a brilliant season replacing Mo, and Brian and his shitty beard can’t be traded because he’s on the DL and out for the season after returning to Tijuana, aka getting his second Tommy John surgery, but this is a trade for the people.
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The face of the franchise, the captain, a role model, and overpaid. Trading Jeter to Yankees’ rivals is the ultimate way to make baseball interesting and piss everyone off. Both fan bases think they know everything about the sport, and each has irrational attachments to its own players. The Yankees toyed with Jeter when his contract was up because he wasn’t going to sign anywhere else. Jeter lovers got all butthurt that he was “only” going to get $51 million for three more years in pinstripes when no other shortstop was making half that. They would go fucking mental if he showed up in a Red Sox uniform at Yankee Stadium.
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Why would the Braves trade away their best starting pitcher? Because he’s a ginger, that’s why. It would be a nice gesture to send Tommy and his red beard to the Reds, and it could present some unique branding opportunities and puns for local sports scribes.Off the top of my head, Redhead Night would be incredible, with the stands packed with flame-haired fans; as an added benefit, it would result in nightmares for every kid in attendance. Tommy could lead Cincinnati to victory by throwing a three-hit shutout and the back page of the paper’s headline would be “Fire in the Hole.”The Braves know Tommy has a slight tear in his rotator cuff too, so maybe his arm will fall off and they look smart for trading him before he makes a trip to Dr. James Andrews.Josh Hamilton and Miguel Cabrera to the Brewers
In 2009, Miguel Cabrera bummed everyone out by allegedly beating his wife. He tried to say that the scratches on his face were from his dog—not his wife—attacking him after he allegedly hit her and entered an alcohol abuse program and went sober. Just kidding!
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The Pirates should hire former first base and base-running coach Lynn Jones. Not because he would add anything to their performance, but because he would serve as a great clubhouse good-luck charm. Lynn needed eye surgery after accidentally poking himself in his face, so he could wear an eye patch and boost moral by becoming an actual pirate. He’s already two-thirds of the way there.@anthonypops