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Awesome Coffee Makers and Sweat Stained Shirts: Red Fang's Tour Diary, Part Two

Seriously. Lots of sweat.
May 30, 2014, 6:19pm

This tour has been flying by! Super fun, but also lots and lots of really long drives with very little rest. I know, I know. Someone call me the WAH-mbulance. The number is Whine-1-1. I get it. But guess what? I am a musician, not a writer, so cut me some slack!

So here's what happened when I tried to write a tour diary:

Alrighty, then! First off, I need to thank Chris Coyle for being such a solid, trustworthy, capable TM and merch wizard. We have come a long way together, and we couldn't do what we're doing now without him. Some of you may remember a time when Chris would regularly post tour updates on our blog. They were hilarious!


But things have gotten a little busier for us in the last couple years, plus I think they keep removing hours from the day.

I also need to thank the newest member of our mammoth 2 man crew, Adam Pike. Adam has been coming out on the road with us for a few years now, but his history with the band goes all the way back to 2007 when he recorded an EP for us that included a song called "Prehistoric Dog," which, if you are still reading this, you have probably heard.

Adam is a stellar Front of House engineer, who also makes our lives much easier by helping with all the loading, set-up, and tear-down. And when the situation is right, he can run sound and lights simultaneously. Last night he did perhaps the best lighting job for us on record, and he was having to literally run back and forth between the mixing and lighting desks.

Wait, I forgot to talk about what happened last week on tour. Here's a quick roundup.

Tues, May 20 DRIVE DAY:
We drove a lot. I recently got really into going to the sauna at home. Our van doesn't have a tint job yet, and the A/C doesn't work in the back, so it is as close to a sauna as I will probably get on this tour. Situation: Awesome!

Wed, May 21 Dallas:
We stopped in a suburb of Fort Worth called, "White Settlement." Uh…what? We played at Gas Works Bar and Grill which is apparently run by somebody from some TV show? There were lots of turtles in the pond behind the club. One bit off part of someone's finger, maybe.


Thu, May 22 Austin:
Our tradition is to always visit the Czech Stop on the way between Austin and Dallas. We stopped there, but also discovered a place called Slovacek's across the street, where they had this for sale. Sorry it is so blurry, but I was shaking when I snapped the photo.

Yes, that is chocolate covered bacon on a stick. No, I did not buy it. As Jared from Big Biz said, "Too far."

We pull up to Mowhawk and the club dude said, "this is going to be the best show of your tour. It's all going to be downhill from here." So I said, "Fantastic! So that means we'll be getting better gas mileage from here on out!"

Will from American Sharks brought us a bunch of super delicious, vitality-reviving juices from his work, Daily Juice. Thanks, Will!

We also picked up the first ever batch of the brand new Red Fang hot sauce, Night Destroyer! It was made by Brian over at Tears of Joy hot sauce and it is SO GOOD!!

Fri, May 23 Houston:
I ate Cajun-spiced crawfish pho in a Chinese grocery store food court. It was so delicious! I didn't take a photo. Pho to. Get it! Ha ha ha ha ha!! I should get paid for this. Speaking of pho, our good friend Chris Kaufmann from Tucson should open a Pho place and name it after himself. Pho Kaufmann.

Sat, May 24 New Orleans:
So this club has a weird thing where you load in through an alleyway, but the alleyway is indoors. It is kind of hard to describe. It is like they just put a roof over an alley. It is still gross and hot and full of stinky dumpsters, though. So I was working out in this alley, and I scraped my back on one the dumpsters. I took a photo, but I can't seem to find it. Luckily, Coady had some Neosporin that he sprayed on there for me, so I am not dead now. Thanks, Coady!


Sun, May 25 Atlanta:
Three highlights:

1. Arriving at 10 AM to be greeted by our good friend Bubbers with mimosas in hand, which had the desired effect:

2. Helms Alee driving by the club and Hozoji mooning us with "Red Fang" painted on her ass cheeks.

3. The show itself was SO HOT and SO MUGGY but I was having an amazingly fun time, and feeling super good and strong. I worked so hard to sweat through my whole entire shirt, but I failed:

One lowlight: Nick from American Sharks ran into the dressing room and told us he just watched a dude get picked up in a bear hug by his huge friend while BIg Biz is playing. They both toppled over, and when the big dude rolled off, the little dude's foot was totally sideways. Ankle completely broken at a right angle. Yeowtch!!! As Bryan said, it's the band that is supposed to break a leg. Har har!!

Mon, May 26 DRIVE DAY:
I got to see Mastodon Bill's new built in coffee maker, which is amazing.

Then we drove a lot. I got pretty sweaty while napping in the back of the van.


by Aaron Beam