Photos by Derek Scancarelli
Welcome to Ask T-Pain, our intermittent advice column with Auto-Tune maestro and R&B hitmaker T-Pain. At various points, we've asked you, our loyal readers, to submit questions for T-Pain to answer, and a bunch of you have. Your questions have been all over the place, and some of you even sent in your mixtapes, which were ignored because that was not part of the agreement. But many of your questions are about love, something the guy who made "I'm Sprung" has a few thoughts about. So, while previous installments covered issues like creativity and feeling like a failure, this special Valentine's Edition of Ask T-Pain is all about relationships. Read on. What follows is T-Pain's unfiltered advice.
I’ve been with my husband for two years. We’ve been married since May. My husband is black, and I am white. My family has issues with our marriage, and it’s to the point I want to cut them off. They want to blame it on the fact he doesn't have a job, and they say he is “street.” But I know it’s really because he is black. I'm tired of the BS. He holds his own and takes care of me. I also take care of myself. I punch that clock every day and get my eight hours. Should I love my family from a distance?
I think you should definitely love them from a distance. It’s such a different world now. It bothers me sometimes to even try to fathom how people used to think when all the shit they’re thinking about mattered. It boggles my mind just to think that somebody is inferior and you don’t want your family around them. I understand that your parents would want their daughter to be with somebody that has a job and that probably isn’t black (LOL), but it shouldn’t matter. If you’re making it work, they’ve got to let you go through that.
As long as you can take care of yourself and you’re able to realize when it’s time to let the guy go if it starts hindering what you’re doing, they should trust that they raised you good enough to know that. I always tell my team, if my career gets fucked up, let me fuck it up. Let me make a bad decision. If I need your help on a higher level, after the fact that I fucked up, then that’s when you step in as parents, or as managers. But in your situation, of course, if you know that this is a great guy other than the fact that he doesn’t have a job, your parents can’t tell you shit.
It's been over a year and a half since I broke up with my ex. It was a relationship that lasted ten years—eight good before the last two where it went downhill—so you can see where this is going. The thought that one day you're living in a fantasy then next thing you wake up and it's gone can break your mind just thinking about it. When I hear songs it takes me back to special moments that are very hard to get off my chest. Last night I was having a drink with one of my homies and Plies featuring yourself, “Shawty,” came on and hit hard. I thought after over a year it would be safe for me to let shit go, but I can't. I'm in another relationship with a wonderful girl and love her to bits, but my mind creeps back to old shit with my ex, and it's hard at times. I hide a lot of shit from family and friends. I'm trying hard to replace those old memories with new ones, but it’s not happening. Maybe trying to let them go isn’t the answer? Maybe accepting them is? I don't know.
Especially Tough Closure
It’s definitely accepting the fact that, cool, everyone has great memories. Memories of trying to jump off a roof with a fucking umbrella thinking you was gonna float type of shit. We all have them, but we let those stay memories. I can’t say what will make you let go of those memories. Maybe a process worth trying to do is talking to your new girl like, “Hey, I don’t want to make you feel like shit—it’s about to, but I don’t want to—I still think about my last girlfriend.” And if she has the understanding then she can come back and say, “Well, what do you miss about her?”
If you tell her things, use communication, tell her the things that make you happy, tell her the things that you think about because obviously she’s not doing it. But you haven’t told her, so how the fuck is she supposed to know? You can’t set rules and not tell somebody what the rules are and then get pissed off when they break the rules. It’s not fair to her. It’s not fair to the new girl. So let her know what made you happy in the last relationship. Communication. She very well may go for it, or she may say “Fuck you, I’m not doing that shit. It’s stupid, and why the fuck are you thinking about that girl?”
Recently I had a bad breakup with a girl I met in church. To be a honest, she was a ten! But I had to let her go because I found out she was sleeping with the pastor's wife, who is 44 years old. I discovered it one day by looking through her phone. She had pics of them together! I find the situation very disturbing. Should I tell the pastor? Or should I let it slide? I don't know what to do.
I would absolutely tell the pastor. Not even a question. That would be the first thing. Man! If he’s really into religion then it’s only right, from the ideals of his religion and the traditions of his religion. I’m going to guess he’s Christian. Yeah, it’s only right to tell the pastor. I would definitely tell the pastor, in some outrageous way. Like at a séance or some shit. Then tell you to ask for forgiveness for telling.
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