Apocalypse Update! You're A Survivor!

According to someone with a very powerful telescope and an incomprehensible understanding of physics and space, we were all very nearly killed.

Today, an asteroid the size of a bus passed Earth with just 28,000 miles to spare, which in space terms counts as "skimming" our planet. What do you mean that doesn't sound very close? Are you a dunce? Don't you remember the final scene in Men In Black?

Yeah, now you understand just how close that asteroid came to destroying the Earth; which would have been a bummer, because that's where I keep all my stuff.

Congratulations to NASA for averting another tragedy.

PETE BOG