What NFL Jersey Sales Numbers Say About Fans

Football season isn't happening right now, which means that people are mostly wandering around, staring at walls, crying softly, and accidentally watching baseball games before changing the channel. But there is still NFL news if you look hard enough! Most of it involves people saying things about Michael Sam and immediately walking those comments back, or Chris Kluwe sparring publicly with the Vikings, but there's also… um. OK, there's also news about jersey sales. Good, let's talk about that.

The news here is that NFL Players Inc. (NFLPI) released a list of their top 50 best-selling jerseys over the past few months, a list that should remind us that football is the creation of a vast and complex marketing machine that turns a profit off of your reptilian urges to see other humans compete and injure one another. It's also a pretty good way to find out what players are popular right now, and thus a look into the collective psyche of NFL fans who spend money on things like jerseys. Here's what that list reveals:

People love quarterbacks. The guys who throw the ball are the protagonists in every football narrative, while the receivers and linesmen and defenders—some of the strongest and most agile human beings ever to walk the earth—are supporting cast members or relatively faceless antagonists. The top three jersey sellers (Johnny Manziel, Russell Wilson, and Colin Kaepernick) are all QBs, as are six of the top ten and 15 of the top 50. Geno Smith is 48th on the list, which either speaks to the optimistic nature of New York Jets fans or their desire to own the jersey of whichever prospect is throwing the ball for their team at the moment. Blake Bortles also made the rankings at number 40, which means that in a few years London Jaguar fans will have to explain to people that their shirt with "Bortles" on the back is not some kind of bizarre joke.

People really love Johnny Manziel. This charming young man has held currency up to his face as if it were a phone, consorted with various other rich celebrities, imbibed spirits while riding a float through a pool, and rolled up a $20 in a bathroom—and that's just over the past couple of months. America is besotted with this scamp!

Alternately, people see the jerseys of Browns quarterbacks as investment commodities.

People still love the Cowboys. For the umpteenth consecutive season the Dallas Cowboys fielded a team that straddled the line between adequate and barely above average, going 8-8 last year and finishing second in a lousy NFC East. But they still got a lot of media attention because the public always clamors to hear more about the body language of Dez Bryant and Tony Romo, and the jersey sales figures reflect that, with five Cowboys in the top 50 compared to only two for the division champion Eagles.

Michael Sam moves product. It remains to be seen whether the NFL's most famous kisser will be effective on the field, but he sold the 41st most jerseys, more than Michael Crabtree or Eddie Lacy—not bad for a seventh-round pick. (He has also signed endorsement deals with Visa and a bunch of trading card companies.)

People still buy and presumably wear jerseys, even though they make adults look like huge (and probably drunk) babies who are stuck in shirts far too big for them. The only exception to this rule is NFL players, who probably don't have to buy their own jerseys. I imagine those are provided for them.

Harry Cheadle has a Shaun Alexander jersey somewhere in his apartment. Follow him on Twitter.