Christopher Pyne ‘Liked’ Some Mexican Porn on Twitter and We Have Questions

Christopher Pyne: the Liberal politician with hair that looks like two-minute noodles. The Minister for the Defence Industry and Leader of the House of Representatives. One of the last people named Chris to keep calling themselves Christopher after childhood. A Crows supporter. An Adelaide man. A family man. And a liker of Mexican porn.

Christopher earns this title because at around 2 AM on Thursday morning, someone using his personal Twitter liked some pretty hardcore porn. The account’s tagline was “XXXPornGay” flanked by two Mexican flag emojis, and for a few fun hours Twitter users shared screenshots before the “like” finally disappeared and Christopher Pyne posted this Tweet:

Note how the tweet is a calm one. He used only one exclamation mark. He used one of the top-ten cutest emojis. He didn’t suggest that the defence industry was worried or looking into it. “I was hacked overnight!” He wrote, as though it came as a simple surprise. Like “My eBay purchase arrived overnight!” or “The swelling went down overnight!”

Well I’m not saying that, but if he didn’t… then that’s a pretty damn good hack. Because you know the trick to messing with someone’s Facebook or Twitter? The trick is to post something bad, but only subtly bad. If you go all out with dick jokes and bombastic weirdness, everyone smells a hack. But if it’s subtle—like putting one little “like” on one little porn page, several scrolls down—then it’ll have enough layers to seem convincing. And that’s what’s happened here. Because maybe Christopher Pyne got hacked. But maybe Christopher also just got drunk.

Pretty good I’d say. Christopher was very public throughout the postal plebiscite about how he was voting Yes. And I would assume that a little after 10 AM, after that guy from the ABS finished saying a whole bunch of stuff that wasn’t the result, Christopher might have poured himself a quiet Banrock Station in his office. “Yes,” he might have whispered to himself, looking out a window and upon some grey courtyard in Canberra. “Yeeeesssssss.”

Then cut to Christopher at home, many hours later, while everyone is in bed but he’s awake in the bathroom with a laptop perched over the sink and the shower running to conceal any noises. The light is on and he’s looking at himself in the mirror, which isn’t ideal, but being in the bathroom with the light off seems weird so he’s just dealing with it. And Christopher is half an hour into a drunken porn quest, looking for that one last thing that will get him to where he wants to be. And he’s discovered some pretty decent stuff on Twitter, where the play button is close to the “like” button but that doesn’t seem to be an issue because he’s like… so… close… himself.

Yeah, but I’m illustrating a point. Because which of these seems to be the more common phenomenon in 2017? Hackers targeting small time and non-controversial politicians from Adelaide, Australia, or middle aged guys just being creeps?

I guess we’ll never know.

@MorgansJulian