We're getting it in under the wire, but this quote from an infuriating piece published today in the Washington Post on the salaries in college athletic departments might just be the best quote of the whole year. Now, before we get started, we need to define "best." This is not "best" as in "most good" or "heartwarming" or "insightful." This is "best" as in "hahaha holy shit, are you kidding me?" This is "best" as in "Seriously, you cannot be this fucking obtuse, can you?" OK. Now, here it is, courtesy of Florida State University Deputy Athletics Director for Administration Cindy Hartmann in defense of outrageous salaries, including her own which is $225,000 a year for a position created in 2014:
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Sorry, can we see that one again? I think I might have passed out."We're no different than any other corporation that wants its business to be successful."
Thank you.The WaPo piece, which you should definitely read if you feel like putting a few holes in your walls while watching the Credit Karma Bowl Presented by Denny's, describes the meteoric rise in salary for athletic directors and their administrative staff over the past decade. Hartmann's Florida State, for instance, saw the athletic department's payroll double in ten years from $7.7 million to $15.7. In the interest of fairness, it should be noted that college player salaries, technically, have also doubled over that same time.Hartmann, who has a nonsensical title straight out of Office Space, claims this is due to the nature and competitiveness of college sports. "We're responding to the competitive demands of the market," she said.* There is something delicious about a person in a made up position in college athletics comparing the whole operation to corporate America, which is rife with examples of management exploiting its labor force. But it is also truly disheartening that this person who is in a position earning multiple hundreds of thousands of dollars a year can't seem to see how insane it is to say something like "nah, we're the good guys. Like the corporations." There are state and federal laws that mandate laughable minimum wages and corporate America feels scandalized, ripped off at the thought of raising it from $7.25 and hour!"We're no different than any other corporation that wants its business to be successful."
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Really, this is true, but only sort of true. Executive salaries have continued to rise at exponential rates, to the detriment of the wage workers. According to a study in the Economic Policy Institute, CEOs make "300 times more than typical workers." So, yes, management will always profit at the expense of its labor, but hopefully by now you've put together why this is only sort of true: at least the workers in corporate America get paid. Athletes, the ones who make this ridiculous excess possible, don't get paid. Scholarships are only worth the ligaments and bones they're tied to, and if you think these players are getting an education other than Geology 101: Rocks for Jocks, I don't know what to do for you.It is simply stunning that someone making $225,000 a year could be stupid enough to say something like "We're no different than any other corporation that wants its business to be successful" without realizing you are actually a parody of exploitative excess. Florida State should hire a Deputy Director of Not Being A Fucking Moron and offer $300,000 a year for what would clearly be a supervisory position.*Honorable mention for Quote of the Year[WaPo]"We're no different than any other corporation that wants its business to be successful."