Female ejaculation is a mythical concept that we mostly know about from Youporn videos and bragging drunk people, but almost no one has any firsthand experience. So when Tom Wanders told us that he interviewed sex educator and feminist Deborah Sundahl to talk about female ejaculation, we demanded he send us a transcript. Deborah's explanations reek of patchouli. She conjures images of the Painted Desert and sounds of rain sticks--not quite the menagerie of vibrators, nipple clamps, and squirting lezzies we expected. Anywho, without further ado, here's an interview with a lady who calls female ejaculation "a fountain of forest floor smells and prostatic fluid tastes." Yum!
Vice: Why did you want to become an expert in the g-spot and female ejaculation?
Deborah: As a feminist, I've spent almost 25 years working with the erotic side of women. Feminism has always dealt with lies and secrets, and the g-spot is a classic example of this. I believe this taboo has to be resolved so people can talk about it.
What makes it important enough to devote 15 years of your life to it?
I think it's important that people feel comfortable talking about their sexual fears and insecurities. That way they then can get the information they need to enhance their love lives. As soon as someone takes a step forward, they no longer feel stuck in a dissatisfying or frustrating place.
Still, many people deny the existence of the g-spot.
There are even doctors who deny it, but fortunately that's changing. What I often hear are women and couples who want to know more about how to make the feminine fountain flow. The scientific debate does not interest them anymore.
How does a woman know the feminine fountain is going to flow?
During sex or stimulation it will feel like she has to go to the bathroom. That's actually female ejaculate knocking at the door, wanting to get out.
But what if she pees all over her partner?
Haha, don't worry, when she's excited, she can't pee. Neither can a man.
Then you are a rare example. It can happen, but it's rare.
What comes out of the vagina during the ejaculation?
Prostate fluid. If a woman ejaculates, she literally creates a feminine fountain of forest floor smells and prostatic fluid tastes. Remember, the prostatic fluid in men is what nourishes those hundreds of millions of sperm cells in each ejaculation. So, drink up, and toast to wellness and longevity!
Why do a lot of women find it so hard to achieve an orgasm? Are men doing it wrong?
No. And that's good news, because this is something that's frustrated men for decades. The problem often lies with women. They do not let themselves go. Only when they completely surrender to the feeling--especially that exquisite g-spot feeling--can they get a g-spot orgasm and ejaculate! On your face, your chest, sheets, pillows...
I get it.
Good. In short: women will relax once they understand the g-spot and female ejaculation, and their man will be grateful!
How do us men help women relax?
This is the hardest part for men: there is nothing that you can do. Women must take responsibility for their own bodies and sexuality. We need to learn to let go. In our culture, we just accept and give up.
What are we doing wrong then?
(Makes a rough sexual hand gesture) This. We make love too fast and too hard. The g-spot is emotional by nature. The g-spot nerve is even connected to the throat. So in the end, it's all about your emotions.
But do we always have to go slow? Sometimes women just like a quickie too, right?
Of course, especially when you're younger. We women choose what we want. And no one can decide that for us. The best we can do is to grow and evolve.
Until women are just as aware of their bodies as men?
Do you really think men are more aware than women? The male prostate was discovered long ago, but do men really use it?
I haven't asked enough people to know.
OK. Everything that counts for the female prostate, also counts for male prostates. Men can use the same g-spot orgasm with their prostate, the same full-body experience. Then you feel your warm, feminine side. That does not mean you're gay or androgen. You'll keep being 100% man. If you're straight, your prostate is straight.
Are there any advantages in ejaculating?
Ejaculate is good for the production of hormones and prostate fluid, and it helps connect you to your inner erotic self and with your partner. Is this connection talk boring you? Do you think people should just fuck hard?
Sometimes I do, to be honest. What makes that whole connection-thing that much better?
First of all: do whatever you want, but it's good to know that there are other options. For example, you can achieve multiple orgasms without ejaculation. And without getting a limp penis! It all has to do with energy. In Western cultures, we often don't feel that. Therefore, older men in the West have many erectile problems. Sex will eventually shift from physical to energetic. You'll adapt it to your life phase.
There is hope for old men!