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A-Rod's First Homer of the Season is Sumptuous, Sexual, Violent

Mashed taters that just scream "fuck me."

Watch @AROD's first home run of the 2016 season travel a looooooooong, long way. #SeeYa #YANKSonYES
— YES Network (@YESNetwork) April 9, 2016

A-Rod's homers can take your clothes off just by looking at you. Today, in Detroit, A-Rod's first serving of mashed taters in 2016 did just that. It laid you down, kissed you softly on your shiny forehead (glistening with anticipation sweat), and gave you some sweet, gentle loving. Just don't expect a gift basket, like those classless players. This homer's taking you out for at least a second date.