Aston Villa Fan Offers Out Joleon Lescott While Powerlifting A Broom

If you need a lesson in horrible, horrible PR, Joleon Lescott is your man. Having helped to steer Aston Villa towards their humiliating relegation this season – his own dreadful performances coming in for particular criticism – the veteran centre-back has also managed to embroil himself in a series of off-the-field controversies in the last few months. Who can forget his infamous car tweet in the aftermath of Villa's abject 6-0 defeat to Liverpool back in February? Who can forget the retraction that followed, perhaps one of the least credible apologies of all time? Who can forget his latest claim that relegation is "a weight off the shoulders" for Villa?

Not Aston Villa fans, that's for sure.

Supporters are more than entitled to feel enraged by Lescott. He has, in many ways, come to represent the worst excesses of the modern footballer. He earns an obscene salary while delivering very little in terms of performance. He talks about the relief of relegation, when a number of staff could face compulsory redundancy as a result. He seems entirely detached from the fans, oblivious to their frustration. While he may well get a lucrative move away from the club this summer, they will be left to clean up the mess he's helped to create.

Still, that doesn't make it a good idea to offer him out via social media. That's not going to help the situation. In fact, it may well make it considerably worse.

Forget the fact that Lescott is 6 ft 3, a professional athlete and – despite his complete inability to mark an opponent at the moment – actually quite strong. Forget the fact that he spends several hours in the gym every day, and would probably flatten the average person with a single punch. If you're posting a video on Twitter asking for a rumble with a professional footballer, being chinned by Joleon Lescott is the least of your problems. Especially if that video shows you wearing a rain mack in your kitchen, powerlifting a broom and bragging about your early morning Pharma Whey consumption.

Right this fan (not us) has an offer for @JoleonLescott #AVFC pic.twitter.com/IFGyfB9S56
— AVFC TransTweet (@AVFCTransTweet) April 17, 2016

Unfortunately, that is exactly the sort of video one Villa fan has recorded in the last few days. Wearing his cagoule with pride, standing defiantly next to his state-of-the-art fridge, the man we shall henceforth call "James" has completely lost it with Lescott. In fact, James has flown so far off the handle that he wants us all to share this video via social media – "WhatChap [sic], Twitter, whatever" – and show Lescott that he means business.

In James' own words: "This is me, publicly, offering him out."

More to @JoleonLescott from this randomner! #AVFC pic.twitter.com/ZToFpYFC25
— AVFC TransTweet (@AVFCTransTweet) April 17, 2016

If that's not enough, James has recorded himself powerlifting a broom – or possibly a mop – as proof that he's ready to teach Lescott a lesson. "Me clean an' jerk ain't bad either," he says, a note of menace in his Brummie drawl. He's never been more ready for a scrap, his muscles have never been more toned from lifting lightweight domestic cleaning equipment. He accidentally slams the broom into his kitchen ceiling at one point, but he styles it out so elegantly that you can feel the confidence oozing from his every pore.

Further proof of James' raw physicality comes in the form of a boast about his morning diet of raw eggs and protein shake. Every day, at precisely 5.27am, he drinks a heady mix of chicken sputum and liquid bicep. He is off his face on omelettes and muscle drugs, high on an almost lethal dosage of nutrition. His protein-addled brain demands that he do battle with another human male – and Joleon Lescott is the ideal foe.

And finally Mr @JoleonLescott #avfc pic.twitter.com/kuRylz2jMm
— AVFC TransTweet (@AVFCTransTweet) April 17, 2016

Unfortunately for James, it's unlikely that Lescott will take up his challenge. Instead, this video will circulate impotently on the internet for all time, a permanent warning against taking massive doses of whey protein while suffering from chronic sleep deprivation. When James wakes up on his kitchen floor after a five-day egg coma, he may well come to regret this video. Once again, Joleon Lescott will have got away scott free – and all will have been in vain.