The Boston Red Sox Might Actually Be This Bad

Short of hundreds of distressed hippopotamuses descending on Fenway Park because, wow, did they ever have to use the toilet, this weekend went about as badly as anyone could imagine for the Boston Red Sox. They lost three straight, extending their losing streak to a full week. More than that, worse than that, was how they lost.

Friday: Boston jumped out to a seven run lead, but nine straight Toronto players reached base in a seventh inning that saw the Blue Jays score nine runs. The game was tied on a fielding error by the Red Sox's new $90 million third baseman, Pablo Sandoval, his ninth error this season. Also, Boston rookie Mookie Betts slammed into the center field wall trying to chase down a ball and had to leave the game with a back injury.

Saturday: The game featured an early four-run deficit against Boston's best starter, a stolen home run ball, and, after the Red Sox fought back to tie the game, an extra inning loss on a home run. Hoping to re-tie the game in the bottom of the eleventh, Boston sent authentic big league ballplayers Jeff Bianchi, Alejandro De Aza, and Rusney Castillo to the plate. Shockingly, they went down 1-2-3.

Sunday: Boston's best hope, rookie starter Eduardo Rodriguez, took the mound. Rodriguez had been dominant during his first three starts, entering the game with a sub-1.00 ERA. Naturally, he gave up nine runs; Toronto's six-run fourth inning was helped along by two weak pop-ups that should have been caught, at least one by De Aza, and another ball lost in the sun. In the fifth inning, De Aza called off Xander Bogaerts on a pop up and then duffed it. Remember: the Red Sox actually traded another player to get De Aza! A living one!

Sunday's loss was the team's sixth straight. Calls to remove the manager, remove the general manager, fire everyone, just, just fucking put everything remaining on a barge and set it on fire and push it out to sea, are getting louder. Last week, Boston owner John Henry gave both GM Ben Cherington and manager John Farrell a public vote of confidence. That was last week. As in: before this weekend. That should tell you all you need to know about how the Red Sox's season has gone so far.

So, how did the Red Sox arrive at the intersection of Dumpster Boulevard and Fire Street? Go back to last season's trade deadline. 2014 was another lost season for Boston, one in which the team was rendered irrelevant early on by lousy play. The Red Sox were sellers at the deadline, and three particular deals stand out. The Red Sox traded ace starter Jon Lester to the A's for outfielder Yoenis Cespedes. Lester's contract was up and the team wasn't willing to meet his demands, whereas Cespedes was under contract through 2015. Next, the team dealt starter John Lackey to the Cardinals for first base/outfielder Allen Craig and starter Joe Kelly. Craig had been an All-Star two seasons earlier, but a foot injury had wrecked his season. Kelly was a hard-throwing young pitcher who had yet to translate stuff into success on the mound. Both were under contract for numerous future seasons. The Red Sox then gave Cuban émigré Rusney Castillo $70 million to play the outfield over the next six years. During the off-season, Boston flipped Cespedes to Detroit for starter Rick Porello, and gave Porcello the contract that they'd tried and failed to give to Jon Lester.

To recap: Boston sent out two good starting pitchers and received two less-good starting pitchers and an injured outfielder; the strategy, apparently, was to buy low on two guys with upside in exchange for one season of Lackey. Then, during the off-season, the team determined the quickest road to success was to plug some holes, particularly in left field and at third base, and to acquire some middle-of-the-rotation starters to fill the void left by Lackey and Lester. So the team signed Hanley Ramirez to play left field, Sandoval to play third, and acquired Wade Miley from Arizona, and signed Justin Masterson, most recently of the Cardinals, to fill out the rotation.

At the risk of overusing baseball jargon, this has all gone very badly! Boston was depending on three young players to balance out the lineup, and two of them have not worked out. Bogaerts has been much improved on both sides of the ball, but fellow youngster Mookie Betts has had a rough first half with a sub-.300 on-base percentage and is now injured. Catcher Christian Vazquez required Tommy John surgery during spring training and missed the season.

Among the team's veterans, Dustin Pedroia is having a very good season. Clay Buchholz's season has been beset by bad luck, but for his part he's been quite good after a mostly rough start. Beyond that, everything has fallen apart. First baseman Mike Napoli has been terrible at the plate. Right fielder Shane Victorino has missed two thirds of the season. His three homers this weekend not withstanding, David Ortiz has failed utterly against left-handers and looked sadly cooked. Backup outfielder Daniel Nava has been bad and is now injured. Two out of six is a good batting average, but not so good on the personnel performance front.

Then there have been the new guys, who have been even worse. Allen Craig was so bad he was sent back to Triple-A, and had to pass through waivers to do—which means any team could have claimed him, only none did, so he is now being paid $6 million to start for Pawtucket. Sandoval arrived with a declining OPS but a reputation as a good fielder and decent hitter. The hitting may still come, but the fielding has been atrocious. Perhaps it's just a bad two and a half months, but if it continues like this, the Red Sox are in real trouble for the next four-and-a-half seasons. Ramirez has actually hit—even hit thrillingly well—when he hasn't been struggling through a shoulder injury, but his defense in left field has been horrendous enough to vaporize the value he's provided at the plate. You might think a major league shortstop, which Ramirez was for eight seasons, could adapt to left field. In this case, you'd be mistaken.

Speed round on the rest of the roster: Ryan Hanigan was decent after being thrust into a starting role following Vazquez's injury, but then he got hurt. Castillo either can't hit, or just hasn't done so yet. Porcello, a ground ball guy, has been giving up homers by in bunches. Masterson was so bad the team made up an injury to get rid of him; he's still "rehabbing" in the minors. Kelly alternates good and bad starts, leveling out as a back-of-the-rotation starter, just as he was in St. Louis. Wade Miley got into a shouting match with Farrell over getting removed from a game in which he had just given up three home runs. And De Aza…let us agree never to speak of De Aza again.

Perhaps the Red Sox are suffering through the same kind of down season they did in 2012 when all their players seemed to have bad seasons simultaneously. The next season those players played to their collective track record and the team won the World Series. This team has remarkable similarities to that 2012 team. Players who should be good simply aren't. What happened to Sandoval? Why can't Ramirez play defense? Where did Mike Napoli's hitting go? How is it possible that nobody can play right field? Why can't Wade Miley or Rick Porcello or Joe Kelly pitch?

And maybe they all will next season, the ones who aren't dealt at the deadline, not re-signed, or simply cut. In the meantime, it's just too many problems for one team to endure. The Red Sox are spiraling the drain. By next weekend, hippos with angry stomachs might be a welcome sight.