Get Acculturated

Louis Farrakhan’s House (4955 S Woodlawn Ave) A few years ago, after leaving a party drunk near the Farrakhan mansion, I accidentally wandered onto the Honorable Minister’s immaculate front lawn. Two men wearing suits and bow ties greeted me holding machine guns and asked me to, “Respect the Minister’s grass.” Chic-a-go-go, Cable Channel 19 (Tuesdays 8:30 PM and Wednesdays at 3:30 PM) For the past ten years, Chic-a-go-go has been Chicago’s most unstoppably weird public-access dance show. Watch as quasi-homeless bearded men, hungover barflies, and children of all ages dance to soul classics. The program is hosted by Miss Mia and a mangy rat puppet named Ratso, and each episode features bands awkwardly lip-synching to their own songs. If you have ever attended a taping of the show, you know that everything is done in one take, edited live, and chaos generally rules. Lincoln Square Lanes (4874 N Lincoln Ave) One of Chicago’s best old-school bowling alleys, discreetly located above Lincoln Square’s Ace Hardware Store. A stoic mural of Abraham Lincoln overlooks 12 vintage bowling lanes and a horseshoe-shaped bar where the drinks are cheap and the locals are often toothless. Perhaps the best feature is the viewing balcony, which serves as a prime spot for heckling the bowlers below and one of the best places in the city to get drunk. Quimby’s (1854 W North Ave) Quimby’s is one of America’s best and most adventurous independent bookstores. A willfully eclectic inventory of comics, magazines, and books on art, music, politics, and sex sit next to zines made by 15-year-old lesbian skate punks. The staff is nice and not full of bullshit holier-than-thou attitude and there is always great new stuff in stock.  The Site of Chairman Fred Hampton’s Death (2337 W Monroe St) Located just west of Union Park, where the Intonation Festival is being held. Take a walk through the neighborhood, and see the spot where the Chicago fuzz executed Black Panther party chairman Fred Hampton as he slept next to his pregnant wife on December 4, 1969. Promontory Point Park (5491 S Shore Dr) Out-of-towners don’t realize that Chicago has a scenic lakefront. There are several nice beaches with real sand and everything along the lakeshore, but Hyde Park’s Promontory Point is among the most beautiful and is the best spot to go swimming. The park has a spacious lawn that is particularity good for Frisbee and picnics. Go to Hyde Park Records (1377 E 53rd St) afterward, just down the block. Chicago River Canoe & Kayak (East Bank of the Chicago River between Belmont and Addison, 3400 N Rockwell Ave) The Chicago River is notoriously polluted and on hot summer days sometimes turns an iridescent, antifreeze shade of green. The river was capped off to keep it from spilling its poison into Lake Michigan, so it no longer has a current, and kayaking down it is surprisingly peaceful. Just whatever you do, don’t get any water in your mouth. A. Finkl and Sons, Co. (2011 N Southport Ave) All right, this isn’t a standard Chicago tourist spot but A. Finkl and Sons is a massive steel mill that is in the heart of Chicago’s Near Northside. If you walk or ride your bike on Cortland Street in between Elston and Clyborn Avenues you can look into their massive factory through two garage doors that never seem to be closed. Sometimes if you are lucky you can see them pouring like 20 tons of hot molten steel into huge holes in the ground. Radical! Haunted Trails Amusement Park (7759 S Harlem Ave, Burbank) Haunted Trails features a few endearingly shabby haunted houses that smell like your grandma’s basement. But its real appeal is in its huge monster-themed miniature golf course, go-kart track, and batting cages. It gets a little overrun with suburban teenagers during the summer, but it’s worth the extra effort.