Question Of The Day: What Crime Would You Willfully Commit?

It used to astound me that Bonnie and Clyde existed. They were bank robbers who were generally applauded by the public while being hounded by police. I wondered, why would people support bank robbers over police? Then I became a teenager and started underage drinking and it all made sense: laws are stupid and they’re made to be broken. If I could I’d go back in time I’d underage drink everywhere all the time.

Shawna, marketing coordinator: Something lucrative, so… Can I get away with it?

You might get away with it.

Well, I would commit money laundering.

How much money would you launder?

Five million dollars.

What would you do with all that money?

I would put my daughter in an amazing school, buy myself a house and invest the rest of it.

Have you ever committed a crime?

No, never have. Never had to, I guess. And I’m too afraid of authority to do it. I don’t like disappointing people.

Cara, dancer: I would definitely steal flowers from other peoples gardens.

What would you do with the flowers?

I’d put them in my house. Or I’d give them to my sweetheart.

Wouldn’t they feel kind of tainted?

Yeah, but in sort of way, like, these flowers have a little twinkle in their eye. Like they’re not just purchased, they’re taken.

What would be the consequences of stealing flowers?

Oh, probably just some harsh words.

So you’re saying you’d only commit a crime in order to make something more beautiful?

Yeah! Of course.

Have you ever committed a crime?

Oh gosh… Little ones. Like, stealing little brooches from the Salvation Army.

Do the brooches feel tainted?

Again, they just have a little twinkle.

John and Joey, art salesman and artist/student:

Joey: I would assault someone who is assaulting someone with fewer defences than them. Isn’t that just breaking up a fight? I don’t think that’s a crime.

John: I guess that’s a legal grey area…

Let’s say that you’d get away with whatever crime you committed.

Joey: Okay. I’d defraud millionaires out of millions of dollars and give hundreds to panhandlers.

John: I think I’d go along with that, that sounds like a two man operation.

Have you ever committed a crime?

John: Yeah, I shoplifted when I was sixteen. I stole some posters, books, magazines, CDs, DVDs, VHS. Everything I could fit in my 90s pants. They stopped me and my Mom was with me and they were like “Let me see what you got there, son.” I started unloading stuff and by the time I was done the pile was almost up to my knees. My Mom was so embarrassed.

That’s a lot of stuff to put in your 90s pants. What about you, Joey?

Joey: Oh, I buy and smoke pot every day.

I think pot is decriminalized. That’s not a crime.

Joey: Wouldn’t buying it from a non-medical store source be supporting criminal enterprise?

I guess so…

Trevor and Nathan, bartenders/musicians:

Trevor: Sodomy. I don’t think that’s a crime.

Nathan: If someone killed my family I’d do something, yeah.

Trevor: Yeah, that sodomy answer was a joke. But if I caught another man sleeping with my woman I’d probably kill him.

So you’d commit a crime based on revenge?

Trevor: Well, heartache, yeah.

John: I think there’s primordial revenge that most people possess and it’s really human in my Catholic upbringing. There would be some sort of revenge, I don’t know about murder though. Maybe arson.

Have you ever committed a crime?

John: All the time. Mostly for my personal amusement. I got arrested for breaking windows.

Trevor: Yeah. I broke a cop car with a skateboard. I’ve stolen, vandalism, I’ve been arrested for some stuff. Once I was high on mushrooms and was tripping out and the cops caught me. I spent a couple days in jail.

That must have sucked.

Trevor: Yeah, it wasn’t fun.