Indonesia's 'Instamoms' are Pushing a Life of Luxury Few Can Afford

Mothers know best. But Instamoms know better.

At least that's what moms with millions of followers want you to believe. Indonesia has two big national obsessions that transcend the country's ethnic, religious, and language lines: social media and marriage. And where the two obsession overlap things get pretty… well… expensive. We've investigated how Instagram is driving the country's already massive weddings to new levels of excess with insane ideas like overseas engagement photos, cakes that need their own architects, and celebrity appearances.

But once the wedding is over, the pressure of social media continue to exert its money-sucking inertia. The Insta-wedding is over. Now it's time to keep up with the Instamoms. These (often young) mothers share the lavish lives of their young children to thousands, or even millions, of fans on Instagram.

For the fans, these Insta accounts are a source for parenting advice, aspirational "likes," and a window into the Good Life™. And for the Instamoms themselves, these accounts are a way to achieve a measure of celebrity in a social media obsessed country while also earning some money on the side.

"Instamoms' parenting style is very influential," said Ratnayu, 24 years old and a mother of one, "especially for upper-middle class mothers."

It's a modern-day version of showing off to the neighbors, but social media's ability to fill your feeds with the unattainable has far greater impact on young moms than the rich mother down the street ever could, explained Paulus Wirutomo, sociologist at the University of Indonesia.

"Back then, people would show off their new clothes to the neighbors," Paulus told VICE. "Now with Instagram, they show it off there on their account."

By situating the ideal of a good mother so close to obvious signs of wealth, the Instamom phenomenon can leave some mothers questing whether they can even call themselves a good mom if they can't afford to sent their newborn to the spa. After all, don't all good mothers spring for regular massages for their toddlers?

I spent a few days lurking on the accounts of Indonesia's most-popular Instamoms and was able to piece together an Instamom starter pack of sorts. To make it as an Instamom, you definitely need organic baby food and a stroller worth at least Rp 10 million ($739 USD)—Orbit is good, but Bugaboo is better. Then there's the regular photos of your child at the following: the baby spa, the baby gym, and the baby swim class.

Few women embody the Instamom ethos better than Andien Aisyah. The jazz and pop singer shares her unique, and often expensive, parenting advice with more than 1.4 million followers on Instagram. Her advice is the kind of stuff that inspires arguments in the comments section below. Is it good parenting to let a six-month-old feed himself? Does little Kawa—her son—realy need to workout at the baby gym? And is that really the right way to use a cukin?

Nagita Slavina, an actress, takes the Instamom aesthetic even further. The television star has some 20 million followers, and with more followers come greater levels of excess. When the baby gym is too passé, you can always one-up other Instamoms with miniature motorbike, tiny car, pint-sized sports car, and even baby's first F1 race car.

"I think parents tend to show off when posting their kid's expensive stuff on the internet," Fanny Tjandra, 24, told VICE. "So it's almost like a competition to show off their wealth."

How much does it cost to flex like an Instamom? A LOT. We called up several of the shops frequented by Andien and Nagita to check the prices of the stuff they're showing off in their photos. Here's a quick breakdown:

• Bugaboo stroller = Rp 19.9 million ($1,479 USD)
• Baby spa = Rp 275,000 ($20 USD)/ hour
• Add in a baby massage at the spa = Rp 1.5 million ($111 USD)
• Baby gym membership = Rp 13 million ($961 USD) to join + Rp 2.5 million ($185 USD)/ month
• Baby school (pre-preschool) = Rp 2.5 million ($185 USD)/ month, books included (even though babies can't even read!)

That's Rp 37 million ($2,737 USD) to just get started on your first month as an Instamom, and this is in a country where the average monthly wage is Rp 4 million ($295 USD).

For many new mothers, the Instamom phenomena is something to aspire to, but never actually achieve. And when something so rooted in the obvious trappings of wealth sets the standard for motherhood, a lot of moms struggle to cope with the pressure to keep up.

"Not all young mothers can filter what's best for them," Ratnayu, 24, told VICE. "When this happens, they just buy things they don't need."

And all these spending sprees likely come with strings attached, Ratnayu explained. The most-popular Instamoms are most-likely getting paid to advertise that incredibly expensive car seat, not buying the thing themselves. But since none of their posts are marked as ads, it creates the unrealistic perception that all mothers can afford to drop the price of a brand new Vespa motorbike on a stroller.

"These Instamoms, they try to inspire other people, but then people feel like they're not a 'good mom' if they can't be like these Instamoms," said Nina Agnia, a mother of five, who thinks that the lives of these women just aren't realistic aspirations for the vast majority of Indonesian mothers.

Most Instamoms were already wealthy enough to afford one, if not two, live-in nannies as well as a staff of domestic helpers to handle all the laundry and cooking, she said.

But not everyone is able to separate the public-facing lives of Instagram moms from the probably far less glamorous life they are living behind the scenes. Nina told me that one of her friends was so influenced by the advice of these celebrity moms that their efforts to follow the advice of these Instamoms came close to endangering the lives of their children.

"I know a mother who insisted on a water birth because she felt so inspired by Andien," Nina told VICE. "But her doctor told her that, considering her medical records, she should undergo a C-section instead. Approaching childbirth, she got really stressed out."

That's why Enda Nasution, a social media expert, takes the fabulous lives of Instamoms with a grain of salt. No one sets the standards for what it means to be a "good mom" and it's completely possible to be a great mother—or father—without spending anywhere near the amount of money these Instamoms routinely splash on their kids.

And even these signs of wealth might be just that—a way to show off and make everyone else think they're pulling in way more money than they actually are, Enda explained.

"You have to be smarter," she said. "You need to be aware that they could be posting it just for show. Everyone does this, not just celebrities."