If you're one of the intrepid many heading towards Mysteryland this weekend, you'll be treading upon sacred ground. Bethel Woods was the site of Woodstock '69, where your grandparents went to get weird and counterculturalism entered the mainstream. If you're going, you have an obligation to continue this tradition.As most of you will be camping on festival grounds (appropriately named The Holy Grounds), here's a few tips on how to make your campground afterparty the kind of rager you'll be too embarrassed to tell your grandkids about.
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1: Make a baby:
Sure, people come home from festivals with souvenirs all the time - a branded beer mug, perhaps a hoodie or a curable rash. All of these things are easily lost and/or forgotten. You know what you'll never forget? A baby. A baby that you made rolling around in the mud, staying warm after the main stage turns down. You could name it Bethelia or Fedde. Young Thugfucker would be the coolest kid in kindergarten. Your parents might be the progeny of Woodstock sexy times yourself and look how well that turned out!
2: Summon the spirit of Jimi Hendrix: There's a rumor that if you stand in a field in Bethel Woods at 3AM, eat some of the local nuts, and set your guitar on fire, the ghost of Jimi Hendrix will apparate into your dimension… and DJ a hardstyle set.
3: Join the tribe of woodspeople:
No no, it's not just you. You did see someone in the bushes. Y'see, when 500,000 people descended upon Woodstock '69, some of them wandered off into the woods in a haze of peace and free love and they never managed to find a way back. Don't worry, they're very friendly, but they may give you the hard sell on the bark jewelry they made.
4: Have your honeymoon: There's a love chapel at Mysteryland. That means it's entirely feasible that the girl you just saw get caked by Aoki could end up your wife. Might as well ask her. And hey, if it doesn't work out, here's contact info for a local divorce lawyer.
5: Kidnap Pete Tong
At the ripe age of 53, Tong might be one of the few people on the Mysteryland grounds who was actually alive when Woodstock first took place. Sure, he looks like he could tussle, but there are 70,000 of you. Once kidnapped, sit him by the fire and offer him eventual freedom if he regales you with tales of acid house and lulls you into slumber by whispering "essential, essential, essential" in your ear.
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No no, it's not just you. You did see someone in the bushes. Y'see, when 500,000 people descended upon Woodstock '69, some of them wandered off into the woods in a haze of peace and free love and they never managed to find a way back. Don't worry, they're very friendly, but they may give you the hard sell on the bark jewelry they made.
At the ripe age of 53, Tong might be one of the few people on the Mysteryland grounds who was actually alive when Woodstock first took place. Sure, he looks like he could tussle, but there are 70,000 of you. Once kidnapped, sit him by the fire and offer him eventual freedom if he regales you with tales of acid house and lulls you into slumber by whispering "essential, essential, essential" in your ear.