Vancouver Rental Opportunity of the Week: An Actual Crib in Metrotown

What is it: A crib. A literal crib, to sleep in.
Where is it: Metrotown, home of mall people.
How much are they asking? $550.

Sometimes when you're cruising the information superhighway you find yourself on craigslist dot org looking for a new home to live in.

I was in this very situation yesterday when I came across this Vancouver crib. Like, actual crib. As in, a baby would maybe look at this ad and say: "It's perfect. The protective bars seem to missing on one side, but my mom can just flip it around to face the wall so I don't fall out of bed at night. Looks like a changing table there on the left, too [nail care emoji]."

Coincidentally, I think I read somewhere else on the internet that there's a generation of adult babies out there, many of them still living at home and making their moms do their laundry. Have you heard of this generation? I think there is a cute name for it. Anyway, some of these people seem to be nearing the end of their 20s, and might have the desire to take on a private residence of their own. Like their parents did when banks gave away money for this sort of thing.

In Vancouver, these baby men and women don't make enough allowance to buy homes (except for the nine of them who collectively own $57 million in property). In that sense there are at least two kinds of baby-people: the ones that never had to grow up, and the ones that could never afford to.

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This particular (shared) apartment seems suited for that second kind, but one who doesn't want to quit being infantilized cold turkey. Thankfully the baby-appeal extends beyond the under-the-sea mattress print and smaller-than-human room size. There are no overnight guests allowed, you can't smoke, and the ad's nearby "cuisine" options include Subway and Panago.

I can just picture this person waking up in their crib, calling their mom over a Frosted Flakes breakfast, and walking to the mall to work a minimum-wage retail gig. It'll take a few months, but they'll probably learn to wash their own dishes, and live with the weird irony that the generation that has unwittingly kept them trapped in this state also has a name, and it's "baby boomers."

Anyway, it looks like the ad has since been removed, so congrats to the adult baby out there who has finally found a home away from mom!

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