According to research from the University of Montreal, sex dreams only make up a small percentage of the thoughts that race through our minds when they're at rest. But they're usually the ones that stick with us the most—after all, it's pretty hard to look yourself in the bathroom mirror after a long night of 69ing your high school gym teacher or nakedly riding on the slick, muscular backs of a group of sexually aggressive dolphins into a vagina-shaped sun. That in mind, we asked people to tell us about the weirdest, most disturbing sex dream they've ever had. If nothing else, they may help you accept that your own aren't really all that bad.
My asshole ex-boyfriend was convinced my lesbian friend was into me, and he talked about it so much I think he ended up incepting me. I started having dreams about her fucking me with a strap on while he watched from behind a glass wall, pounding on window for her to stop. It was the best sex I've ever had (both in and out of dreams). I eventually broke up with him, tried to kiss her at a party, and was rejected. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ - Farah, 29
In my dream, I'm walking around the town square from Beauty and the Beast with a guy who kind of looks like Ronan Farrow. There's intense sexual tension and lots of staring into each other's eyes, but we don't touch until we get to the fountain at the center of the town. When he grabs my hand, I immediately orgasm and wake up mid-cum. This has to be the most vanilla sex dream of all time, but I have it once a month at least. - Rachel, 25
I have a recurring dream about a fetish I don't have in real life, which you likely won't believe after I tell you. Giantesses. I know that's a thing some people are into; they even make porn about it. But I've never once watched it or felt the desire to fuck a woman who's as tall as a skyscraper. That said, I do frequently dream of a giant, naked woman stomping around a city, who I eventually climb and roll around on and lick and stuff. My first ever wet dream at 14 was about the same thing, and I keep coming back to it. Now that I think about it, maybe I do have this fetish? I owe it to myself to look into this, I think. - Derrick, 27
I've had many sex dreams, but the one that stands out most is a BDSM-inflected dream involving my dad as the Dom. I felt very disgusted when I woke up, especially still feeling the edges of an orgasm fading. - Adam, 26
I've had this dream more than once where I'm involved in a very graphic orgy with all my co-workers in my office bathroom. When my boss cums, it's green and sticky and sweet like the inside of a gusher. I don't find him at all attractive in real life, but in the dream I eat it up? - Kara, 24
My sex dreams are always weird and often incorporate some element of whatever it was I fell asleep watching. I only have a vague recollection of most of them—what exactly did I do with Screech with Saved By the Bell last night?—but some remain pretty vivid in my memory. In one of them, I masturbated vigorously while Newman from Seinfeld watched. In another, I fucked Slimer from Ghostbusters—all the more weird when I consider how hot I found Sigourney Weaver in that movie. I've had a few dragon-themed sex dreams on Sunday nights over the past few years thanks to Game of Thrones. I should probably chill with the before-bed screen time. - Marcus, 24
I have a recurring dream about once a month where I'm making out with someone on my sexual to-do list and their tongue is the texture and appearance of a terrycloth rag. The tongues are always normal size, but they have a squared tip like the corner of a washcloth. I think it's a psychosexual coping mechanism to cure me of wanting to sleep with these people in real life. - Toby, 27
A few months ago, I had a gay dream where I was in a wheelchair and couldn't move my legs at all. It took place in my junior high by my locker, where I got a blowjob from my childhood best friend who I haven't seen in years. I tried to look him up on Facebook the next day, but he didn't have an account. I felt really weird about trying to look him up. - Charlie, 31
I had a nightmare where I was a disembodied spirit forced to watch my own conception. I floated around on the ceiling while my parents fucked like rabbits in my childhood living room, and when my dad finished, I got dragged down from the ceiling into my mom's womb. The rest of the dream was me cozy in utero. I woke up as I was being born. I have never asked my parents about where I was conceived because what if this was not a dream? I don't want to know! - Rashid, 29
My first job was in a pizza shop in New Jersey. It was family owned, run by real deal Jersey Italians on some real Sopranos shit. Lots of the owner's extended family and friends would come in and out of there pretty frequently, and many of them had really funny names like Freddy Fat Fingers or "Bobby" and the looks to match. They'd razz me a bit about being young, but were mostly very nice. Well, once I had a dream that a couple of the regulars come into my current job—at a standard office—and they tell me they need to see me out back. We go out there, and they start slapping me around, but in a sexy, teasing way, like that old recurring SNL skit where Chris Kattan and Cherie Oterie are always on the verge of fucking. It scared me awake, and once up, I was fully aroused and erect. Then a real beating ensued if you know what I mean. God, I'm sorry. - Brett, 29
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