Kentucky Derby Horse Injures Itself Because, Ultimately, it is a Dumb Animal

Should we even call this a sport anymore?

May 8 2016, 6:55pm

Who's going to sit this horse down and tell it to chill out? Is it you? You think you can reach across hundreds of millennia of genetic variation to tell this horse, Grand Tito, to calm down after getting hit by a bunch of debris before the Kentucky Derby? No you can't. Because it's a horse.

Well, amidst an impending storm, Grand Tito was hit by debris and was later spooked again in its pen during the storm, causing it to fall on its side and injure itself in its stall (aka prison cell) and was scratched from the lineup. But Grand Tito doesn't know that A. It can't fuck this up because it's in the Kentucky Derby right now, and it can't quit the biggest race of its life and that B. a giant plastic (or metal) sheet is not all that bad, even if it flies at you during a scary ass storm. Poor Tito.

And what do these races mean to the horses anyway? All they know is how many whips they're getting at a given time, and when they're eating feed. Sure, they get mad laid at the end of a victory, but they don't know that. How are they supposed to know that? And what—we give them flowers at the end? You think the horses like flowers? Flowers probably get in the way when they're eating grass. This "sport" (aka animal slavery) is a farce. Go home, horse. There is no real difference between you winning this race and being scratched from it altogether. And you. Yeah, you. Take off that silly hat. Show some respect. There are horses being whipped here.