I’m Not Convinced This Is the End of Rob Ford

The world learned about Crack Tape 2 last night, the sequel to Rob Ford's infamous Crack Tape. This came amidst news that Justin Bieber made fun of Rob Ford at a big Toronto nightclub, and that Rob had been recorded saying he wanted to "jam" mayoral...

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May 1 2014, 3:25pm



Photo via the Globe and Mail.
Last night, the Globe and Mail sent the internet into a frenzy with a heavily watermarked screenshot of Rob Ford holding a pipe. It seems as if Robbie was kicking it in his sister’s basement with someone resembling Sandro “bedbugs in a vial in case you fuck with me” Lisi, and an unnamed drug dealer, who was presumably the one clandestinely filming him.

This dealer has been trying to sell the tape to various media outlets (VICE has not been contacted), which we know because Gawker also got a sliver of the #CrackTape2 action, after they explained in a cranky blog post how they weren’t able to capitalize on the tape before the Globe spent $10,000 on a screenshot of Toronto’s mayor holding a pipe.

Robyn Doolittle and Greg McArthur broke the story for the Globe, which obviously could not have gone over well in the Toronto Star’s newsroom, who recently saw Robyn jump ship. In response, the Star ran a story last night about J Biebz punking Rob Ford while he was allegedly high on coke at a mega-nightclub called Muzik by the Toronto waterfront. The Star also ran with a screenshot of Gawker, in print, on their front page this morning, instead of giving the hat-tip to the Globe

Oh, and in case you missed it, the Toronto Sun posted an audio recording of Rob Ford saying nasty things about Toronto mayoral candidate Karen Stintz—namely that he wants to “jam” her, which is either code for sweaty sex, or some kind of fetish maneuver using a strawberry breakfast spread. Either way, Stintz has responded by saying Rob Ford’s comments were “gross” and that he is a ”bigot.”

So, in the scope of an hour or two, we saw evidence of a new crack video, read news that Justin Bieber shamed Rob Ford in a nightclub, and heard brand new audio of Robbie saying some greezy shit. Now the mayor has stepped down, and claims that he is on his way to rehab. Rob was pictured with a suitcase on the way out of his home this morning, and took off in a car that had an envelope marked with the Passport Canada Ottawa address on it, as spotted by CityNews.

Photo via CityNews.
This could mean one of two things: Rob Ford is off to rehab in a foreign country, or Rob Ford is running off somewhere without an extradition treaty to Canada. Either way, I can’t imagine that this is the last we’ll see of Rob Ford. This is a man who has been fired from his job once already, weathered the storm of #CrackTape1 somewhat sturdily, and embarrassed himself on national television after Jimmy Kimmel wiped his sweaty brow and made him play late night parlour games.

Evidently, the spin machine is in full effect. Rob Ford is an addict. Rob Ford needs help. Rob Ford is going to rehab. And Rob Ford will be back to prove to Ford Nation that he is the best damn mayor that ever did allegedly smoke crack twice on camera, and get sued for allegedly orchestrating a violent beatdown of his sister’s ex-boyfriend in prison.

This narrative is not acceptable for many Torontonians who are calling for the mayor’s resignation, but as we have learned time and time again, Rob Ford is not one to back down from a major scandal. And judging by Rob Ford’s latest tweet, his office is currently looking to fill a junior position that pays $30k a year—so get those resumes ready, friends!

Unfortunately Toronto’s councilors, journalists, and various other naysayers who dislike FordTopia can continue to berate the mayor and call for his resignation—just as we have done all along—but unless this guy gets charged and forcibly removed from office, I’m not convinced that he will leave of his own volition. Even after this latest crack clusterfuck, Rob can easily go to rehab, take a break, come back, tell everyone everything is fine, and wait for this next crack wave to blow over.

If you think that’s an unrealistic view of a man who is quite clearly out of control, then you probably haven’t been following this story for very long. The golden rule of Rob Ford is that things will always get crazier, and there’s nothing more ridiculous than maintaining your job after you get caught smoking some kind of crack-like drug on camera—twice.


@patrickmcguire

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