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If you’re one of those anti-Beyoncé “OMG she’s so everywhere and Illuminati and ‘Drunk In Love’ was too seductive and I hate when she raps”-type of people or one of those Nicki Minaj-hating “She’s not real Hip-Hop I can’t believe she’s with Meek Mill why does she dress like that and she’s too Pop”-kind of hatin’ ass hater, then I need you to sit all the way the entire fuck down, because this post is soooo not for you.
Now, for the rest of us believers, let’s all bow our heads at the intersection of the Nation Of Pinkslam and The Bey Hive. In other words, “Feeling Myself” has a video.
That “Flawless Remix” video was not entirely life-giving, but gave us a modicum of face-serving realness from Nicki and Bey, since it was shot during Beyoncé’s On The Run Tour taping in France. So basically it was just a bunch of fierce stage shots and a sparkling moment where Beyoncé air-smacked an ass. Fair enough, but we needed a real video from these two, and “Feeling Myself” is The. One.
This video is the animated embodiment of those cute Buzzfeed posts titled like, “57 Ways You Know Your BFF Will Be Your Bestie For Life,” where there are pics and gifs of random white girls making googly eyes and eating cheese fries at the beach.
This is like that only with the spectacularly gorgeous Nicki Minaj and her new BFF Beyoncé. This video makes the “Telephone” video with Bey and Gaga look like a 4 AM infomercial for laser hemorrhoid removal.
This video showed up to the set for Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” video and beat the shit out of all those girls (minus Ellie Goulding because I love her).
This video is the Birkin bag of videos. This video should make you fucking run and sign up for TIDAL, and they didn’t even pay me to say that.
This video is everything, and if you disagree, then click out of this post NOW because it’s about to get so much worse. Consider this a warning. OK then, let’s start with the track, because #music.
“Feeling Myself” is off Nicki’s third studio album, The Pinkprint, which dropped at the end of last year. It’s produced by Hit-Boy, though Bey has a production credit on the track too. Sonically, it’s similar to the “Flawless Remix” and Bey’s “7/11,” where she’s adopted that rhythmic trap-ish sound as of late. The song falls in with that ilk, boasting a similar sentiment of bold self-confidence and a smidge of arrogance, mixed with living a life of unadulterated fun. It’s sweet, but a little slick. In other words, it’s like that meme that says: “Humble with a hint of Kanye.”
Beyoncé and Nicki Minaj are becoming Hip-Hop’s Banger Sisters, and it’s a friendship that few thought would happen until Bey let her hair down recently and oozed I don’t give a fuckness. Now they’re a perfect pair. The video was at least partially shot in Indio, CA during Coachella season, since they’re dancing under the Coachella City Limits sign at one point. There’s a lot of desert, some pool, some warehouse, some beach.
Stylistically, we get a lot from these two. Bey rocks her hodgepodge of threads like she did in the video for “7/11” that are random individually, but together, on her, they make sense. She’s also got sequined Timbs, which is like the fiercest footwear ever. Meanwhile, Nicki dons some 80s-inspired tight fitting outfits, along with a white mink. It’s just so much fun, and you can tell they’re enjoying themselves. Don’t take it too seriously. They’re certainly not, but these two as a unit are clearly using their powers for good.
They’re a movement by themselves, but they’re a force when they’re together. I shall call them BeCki.
Anyway, let’s break it down.
Face. Face for days. So much face. Bass face. Duck face. Screw face. All of the face. I made about 50 screen grabs of this video before settling on 20 and every single shot was serving face. These are two women who are overtly aware of the angles of their faces and know just how to tilt where applicable.
Too much cute.
Look at these two. Bamboo earrings, bangles, nails on fleek, with pink furs in a pool like, “You know what? These minks won’t get wet because we’re bionic.” How do they do it? I get in a pool and say, “I can’t get my hair wet!” and within minutes I look like I got caught in a tsunami.
Where’s Lil B? He needs to see this lovefest. He’d approve. The magic here is that both ladies are on their respective A-games, so there’s no awkward competition. Nicki appears to be the more pretentious “You can’t sit with us” type, while Bey is the loose cannon. Here for it.
Here for the mustaching, where Nicki’s waves give her a nice curled mustache and Bey’s blonde tresses give her an angry sheriff hairy upper lip.
Here for eating cheeseburgers in expensive Jerseys, while Nicki adds a mink for good measure. A few points to note: Isn’t it adorable how Beyoncé is wearing all-access bracelets, like she needs her wrist to prove she’s a VIP? Her face is all she needs. Another sidebar: I zoomed in and it looks like Bey is actually eating a chicken sandwich, but I refuse to believe that because in my version of the story they got these burgers from In-N-Out because it’s delicious and in Cali.
Here for BeCki looking like they’re on some float at Mardi Gras. Bey with her cut-off shorts and Kendall Jenner floral headband, Nicki dressed like Eddie Vedder circa ’96 in plaid capris and a cropped tank with a spiked tiara. They look so drunk in this photo, and in the video it looks like B-roll footage like they hopped on some roof and their friends zoomed in on their iPhones like, “Oh GOD. These two again. Let’s film them.”
Here for them sharing Now & Laters, because sharing is caring.
LIFE LESSONS FROM NICKI
Well, first of all, summer is coming and bathing suit season has most women in a fucking “doing crunches and juicing” frenzy to fit into a two-piece. Nicki is like fuck all that noise, just get yourself a Moschino one-piece and you’ll be Gucci… err Moschino. And another thing: this may be a relatively new concept for most women, but according to Nicki you can wear as much gold as humanly possible in your bathing suit. Rings, bamboos, chokers. Don’t worry, you won’t sink to the bottom of the pool. Actually, don’t quote me on that.
First of all, big ups to Nicki for understanding that tig ol’ bitties need two sports bras. I learned that from Chelsea Handler during an episode of Chelsea Lately, where she brought up working out in two sports bras. Changed my life. Anyway, if you’re well endowed, wear two sports bras and feel free to cook like that. Look at Nicki in the kitchen cookin’ pies with her baby (yaaahaaa). Once again, how cute is it that Nicki too thinks she needs VIP bracelets? These girls. So humble.
There are many ways to dress like a pervert. Here’s one: wear a shirt that says PERVERT.
So when you’re done cooking, it’s perfectly acceptable to do your squats and practice twerks while your homegirl sits in your tub and FaceTimes with her millionaire husband. Let’s all salute that TIDAL flag in the background too. Hella product placement, especially when the poster is hanging in the room of two of its shareholders. Brilliant.
LIFE LESSONS FROM BEY
Nobody is having as much fun as Beyoncé is having in this video. In her ScHoolboy Q bucket hat and Dylan McKay baja, Bey is everywhere you wanna be. Let this be a lesson that even in the midst of all the haters, you must grab your cup and turn up.
Oh and always pop your collar.
I don’t speak the #sports, but I must admit the Chicago Bulls are my favorite basketball team to mention when I’m #sportsing. This one-piece Bulls bathing suit is the perfect answer to those oversized basketball jerseys where every girl looks like Da Brat when she’s wearing them. Oh and btw I Googled, and #1 is Derrick Rose. Look at me speaking #sports for all of you. As an aside, now that Hov sold the Nets, I guess Brooklyn is out, huh?
Remember that dude Mr. Goodbody, who wore that flesh-colored body suit with human organs painted on it? (Google that if you don’t.) Well, Bey only has a body suit with a rib cage and spine, but hers is cooler by default. This is going to sound so basic, but it just clicked to me now that tying a shirt around your waist while wearing a bathing suit automatically gives you a wraparound skirt. This helps when you don’t wanna walk around in just a bathing suit looking like you’re at some resort in Aruba waiting to get your hair braided by that lady on the beach with the dirty comb. Beyoncé just taught me that. P.S. From the looks of this body suit, Bey has scoliosis. Me too!
Beyoncé says when you and your best friend are having an impromptu dance party, let her have the pole. Also, wear a plant printed poncho because clearly they’re awesome to dance in.
Beyoncé says sitting like a lady is overrated. Rock a Warrior jersey, matching tube socks and combat boots and swag the fuck out, while your bestie wears her mink and a unitard in tube socks and combat boots. BeCki believes in matching footwear.
Oh and if you’ve got that ass, show it off. DUH.
In conclusion, “Feeling Myself” is as much as a fashion tutorial as it is a handbook for best friend behavior. While we’re just getting used to this union, it feels like Nicki Minaj and Beyoncé will continue to be those co-collaborators who are thick as thieves. They share a business venture together, their boos are friends, they both live in LA now. It was bound to happen. If you don’t approve of this bond, then stay salty.
BeCki will be here laughing at you basic bitches. Feeling themselves.
Kathy Iandoli holds the double duty of being a part of the Bey Hive and the Nation of Pinkslam. She also plans on reenacting this whole video with her best friend. Follow her on Twitter @kath3000.