OG Swaggerdick in his Dick Cheney garb
Today, I voted. New York has its presidential primary today, and, if you live in New York, you should vote, too. Regardless of where you live in America, you should vote. Democracy is the one lifehack we the people have on our side against unrepentant bigots who think we should take food out of the mouths of children and dismantle the few laws we have saying you can't dump literal poison in the drinking water in the name of padding CEOs' offshore accounts.
But I get it: This election season sucks. We, as a country, have decided that we're totally cool with one entire half of the political spectrum duking it out between a fascist who's ready to tear apart our most fundamental Constitutional liberties in the name of racism and a Machiavellian lizard man who would prefer to literally fuck the Constitution in the name of depriving Americans of basic governmental services. You'd think maybe we would have learned from the nightmare of the Bush presidency, but no such luck.
Who will set us straight on our path? It may be time to vote for OG Swaggerdick, author of such hits as "We Don't Need Donald Trump as Our President," which featured an unforgettable video of OG traipsing around Trump Tower, and "Dick Cheney," which immortalizes the time the former Vice President shot his friend while quail hunting with lyrics like "big Dick Cheney / guns like Cheney / posted with the chopper / got the AK bullets raining."
On the heels of those two politcally charged singles, OG is ready to fully sway the election with a new EP called, appropriately, Swaggerdick 2016. A lot of people decry the state of contemporary rap for not being political enough. Well, the buck stops here, with such based additions to the Swaggerdick based political opus as "F Ck Ann Coulter" and "Mexican Model," which puts Swaggerdick in the middle of the immigration debate. Is it all supremely stupid? Yes, in the best way. Is it guaranteed to piss Republicans off? Absolutely. This is what your racist congressman thinks of when he imagines rap music, and I hope beyond all hope that it makes it to said congressman's ears—ideally so that he can deliver an angry speech on the House floor decrying a guy named OG Swaggerdick. #SaySwaggerdickOnCSPAN: Let's get it trending.
OG shared the following statement about Swaggerdick 2016:
With this project I just want the Young Thespians out there to know they should always stand for something. I always go back to section.80 where Kendrick says "Stand for something or fall for anything" that line always stuck out to me and still does, we got kids hooked on drugs when niggas should be worried about what's going on in the world, we really don't need Donald Trump as our president, I mean that shit! This dude is really out here saying some wild shit, and only wants to make White America great again not America! And I also wanted to challenge myself while doing this, I never thought I'd produce my own project, but here I am!
If that doesn't bring a tear to your eye, you deserve the dystopian hellscape Ted Cruz and Donald Trump are so eager to reduce this country to. For the rest of us, well, it's clear how to vote. Cast your ballot below:
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