Donald Trump Claims Friendship with German Pro Golfer to Peddle His Voter Fraud Lies

Maleficent former United States Football League team owner Donald Trump has some VERY interesting/hella racist opinions about voter fraud in the U.S., which he shared with a collection of congressional leaders in a closed door meeting on Monday. Here's the shocking revelation, courtesy of the New York Times:

Mr. Trump kicked off the meeting, participants said, by retelling his debunked claim that he would have won the popular vote if not for the three million to five million ballots cast by "illegals." …When one of the Democrats protested, Mr. Trump said he was told a story by "the very famous golfer, Bernhard Langer," whom he described as a friend, according to three staff members who were in the room for the meeting.

For those who aren't intimately familiar with Europeans who played high-level golf in the 1980s, Bernhard Langer is a German golfer, and two-time Green Jacket donner (Green Jacksetsman?) at the Masters. He didn't manage to win any other majors during his lengthy pro tour career, but he was awarded a British OBE and is a member of the German Sports Hall of Fame. He currently make his residence here in the United States, and still competes on the Champion's Tour (old dudes), where he is a fixture and a standard bearer for old golfers everywhere. He struggles with the yips and was an early adopter of the belly putter. Here is a GIF of him winning the Masters in a red-jumpsuit-lookin' thing:

Anyway, back to the stupid president. Here's more from the Times:

The witnesses described the story this way: Mr. Langer, a 59-year-old native of Bavaria, Germany … was standing in line at a polling place near his home in Florida on Election Day, the president explained, when an official informed Mr. Langer he would not be able to vote.

Probably because he is a German citizen who merely holds permanent resident status in America.

Ahead of and behind Mr. Langer were voters who did not look as if they should be allowed to vote, Mr. Trump said, according to the staff members — but they were nonetheless permitted to cast provisional ballots. The president threw out the names of Latin American countries that the voters might have come from.

This is, of course, flabbergastingly racist, because—and I CERTAINLY hope I'm not letting you in on some shit you didn't already know—brown people, and even naturalized citizens, are allowed to vote in the United States. True story.

Not a true story:

Mr. Langer, whom he described as a supporter, left feeling frustrated, according to a version of events later contradicted by a White House official. The anecdote, the aides said, was greeted with silence, and Mr. Trump was prodded to change the subject by Reince Priebus, the White House chief of staff, and Senator John Cornyn, Republican of Texas.

Oh, let me backtrack for a second. Although multiple sources have Trump saying this story was about non-American citizen the Very Famous Golfer Bernhard Langer, some people from the White House told the Times, upon inquiry, that the story was from a friend of Langer that the golfer then relayed to our creamsicle president, and that Trump was, in turn, telling to a group of dumbstruck congressmen to prove that he was not, in fact, a loser.

Oh, one more thing, from Langer's daughter, Christina, currently a golfer at Florida Atlantic University, because this story involves weird sports ephemera from top to bottom and up again:

"He is a citizen of Germany," she said, when reached on her father's cellphone. "He is not a friend of President Trump's, and I don't know why he would talk about him." She said her father was "very busy" and would not be able to answer any questions.

That's right: there is a real possibility that Trump and the Very Famous Golfer Bernhard Langer are not even intimately acquainted, and also Langer is up to some shit that is so important that he can't personally address rumors that he was complaining about, or talking about someone else complaining about, brown people voting in a way that seemed suspicious.

So, what the fuck is going on, here? There are, to my mind, several possibilities, which I will detail in order of skeeziness:

• Donald Trump, the President, relayed a story about a friend of his, the Very Famous Golfer Bernhard Langer, attempting to vote, presumably for Trump, as a part of a larger, unverifiable anecdote about how a bunch of brown people voting in Florida were probably voting illegally, for no reason except that they were brown. When the Times pressed Langer's college golfer daughter for information about this incident, she was completely mortified and somehow convinced the Times, our paper of record, staffed by some of the world's most diligent and detail-oriented journalists and editors, that her dad wasn't even a United States citizen, and that he also didn't know Donald Trump, really confusing the shit out of everyone. This is probably the best thing for Trump, truth-wise, and it's wildly unlikely and also still pretty bad.
• Donald Trump, the President, inadvertently relayed a story about a friend of his attempting to vote illegally, presumably for Trump, as a part of a larger, unverifiable anecdote about how a bunch of brown people voting in Florida were probably voting illegally, for no reason except that they were brown.
• Donald Trump, the President, relayed a story about a friend of a friend assuming a bunch of brown people voting in Florida were probably voting illegally, for no reason except that they were brown.
• Donald Trump, the President, exaggerated his degree of acquaintance with 1986 and 1992 Masters winner, the Very Famous Golfer Bernhard Langer, so that he could relay an unverifiable story about how a bunch of brown people voting in Florida were probably voting illegally, for no reason except that they were brown.
• Donald Trump, the President, made up, from whole cloth, a friendship with 1986 and 1992 Masters winner, the Very Famous Golfer Bernhard Langer, so that he could relay an unverifiable story about how a bunch of brown people voting in Florida were probably voting illegally, for no reason except that they were brown, that he heard from someone else entirely, someone who was less impressive than the Very Famous Golfer Bernhard Langer, that he felt like, I guess, would play better if he said that he heard it from somewhat notable golfer Bernhard Langer.
• Donald Trump, the President, made up, from whole cloth, a friendship with 1986 and 1992 Masters winner, the Very Famous Golfer Bernhard Langer, so that he could relay a story he totally, 100 percent made up about how a bunch of brown people voting in Florida were probably voting illegally, for no reason except that they were brown.

Anyway you cut it, that is some unbelievably racist shit coming out of Donald Trump's mouth, that was somehow related to professional golfer Bernhard Langer and his college golfer daughter, Christina, which pretty decisively makes this a sports story. Anyway, have a good day!

Update: Bernhard Langer sheds some, uh, light on the subject. He says it's the media's fault for misconstruing the lie that the President told. So, that's something.

Statement from Bernhard Langer. All the media's fault. Obviously. pic.twitter.com/cVQ8HLo2KM
— Jason Sobel (@JasonSobelESPN) January 26, 2017