The Ministry of External Affairs Wants You to Make Its New Movie

Are you an aspiring filmmaker with time on your hands? Do you have what it takes to write, direct and plot a gritty action film along the lines of Black Hawk Down? Then the Ministry of External Affairs (MEA) has the perfect gig for you. Oh and it’s gotta be under 30 minutes and ideally in 4K.

On May 4, the MEA put out a tender for a documentary film with the (hopefully rough) working title, “Rescue Operations by Government of India”. This film, which requires 26 minute, eight minute and two minute versions, will showcase the “human face of the government of India in carrying out rescue Missions to reach out to people in distress stuck in conflict zones or hit by natural disasters whether they were Indians or foreigners.”

The purpose of the film is to “emphasise the importance that the Government attaches to the safety, security and welfare of Indians.” Well, given the deaths of 13 people by the police in Thoothukudi, this might not be a bad time for a reminder. Not to mention the shadow of Mosul that still hangs over External Affairs Minister Sushma Swaraj, who clearly has a bit of a super-hero complex (and a fan-site).

To find out whether the ministry is going more for Justice League or the Avengers, we scoured through the concept notes and supplementary material on the government's e-procurement portal.

According to the service agreement for the contract, the President of India (via the MEA's publicity office) is the film's Producer, and the Director (You!) will have to abide by any additions to the pre-approved script, including “instructions and directions regarding factual accuracies.” So lose the Orson Welles aspirations.

Though the notice doesn't list a tender amount, if the producer isn’t happy, you run the risk of being removed and “costs shall be re-executed by [director] at his cost and expenses to the satisfaction of the Producer”. Gendered assumptions aside, if they don’t like your vision, not only will you be kicked off this epic, but you’ll have to spring for all the reshooting.

Fine! Maybe you’re just inspired by Swaraj’s efforts in rescuing Indians stuck in dire situations abroad and you want to commemorate that. Before you start, you'll need to pony up 30 percent of the costs (plus applicable taxes). Perhaps patriotic filmmaker Vivek Agnihotri might be interested. He could always cast Akshay Kumar, reprising his role in Airlift.

Follow Parthshri Arora on Twitter.