Okay so I've done a lot of embarrassing shit while trashed. I've dialled the numbers of Tinder matches in the 3AM Uber ride home and rapped N-Dubz down their voicemail. I've put up Instagram stories of myself dancing in a way I thought was really hot, only to wake up sober and realise I resemble a snake with a kidney infection. I've stolen a handful of hazelnuts from the local off licence and been chased down the street by an angry shop owner in front of some colleagues. Which is why I feel for Sarah Harding, watching this clip from over the weekend in which she tried to sing Mariah Carey's "Hero", while swigging wine, in a golden sparkly backwards cap, on national television.
Oh my god, though. Oh my GOD. I love Celebrity Big Brother in the sense that it gives us the kind of high art that can only ever happen when a hoard of C- and D-List celebrities are cooped up in a house together for weeks, given loads of booze, and made to do tasks in the hope that they might get to do an OK! Magazine spread for their next wedding or appear on Loose Women to promote their next single.
In no other situation would we get to see Sarah Harding, who used to be in Girls Aloud followed by Coronation Street, swig wine while wearing a glittery backwards cap and shouting her way through Mariah Carey's "Hero" like the isolated vocals of every person screaming in G-A-Y Late before closing time, before panning to Barry from Eastenders, who is shaking, shaking, and saying the words "it's the air-con. It wrecks your voice" while Derek Acorah – a man who is literally famous for communicating with ghosts on TV – looks genuinely scared to be in the same house as these people. I haven't laughed this hard since Verne Troyer drank too much champagne and deliberately crashed his mobility scooter into the wall almost ten years ago. Please watch the video above, I beg of you.
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