Welcome to Angus Take House – a weekly column in which I will be pitting two of the wildest takes the world's great thinkers have rustled up against each other. This is your one-stop shop for the meatiest verdicts and saltiest angles on the world's happenings. Go and grab a napkin – these juicy hot takes are fresh from the griddle.
What's the story? High-profile film producer Harvey Weinstein is at the centre of an increasing number of allegations of sexual assault and rape.
Reasonable take: This is awful. Burn Hollywood to the ground.
Degeneration Game Take: Look, I hear you, but have you thought, maybe: women are the problem?
Well, we knew somebody was going to trot the "actually women can be as bad as men" line out, but I didn't realise we were going to hit the mother-load and get the master of the form, Jim Davidson, blessing mic on ITV's Good Morning Britain.
Anyway, he answers and manages to get through almost unscathed, all things considered – except for the usual "it's all stories at the moment, let's wait for a trial" bullshit. That is, until the very end of the segment, when he settles on: "Men take advantage of women, women take advantage of men, that's life!" That's what all the people say!
Basically, Jim Davidson is the type of guy to get kicked off Hell's Kitchen for calling gay men "shirtlifters". Type of guy to write, "The second time I gave her a shiner. I threw a bunch of keys which whacked her in the eye" about his wife in his autobiography. Type of guy to ask for disabled audience members to be removed from the front row of one of his shows.
Type of guy you'd expect to have this exact take on the Weinstein case, basically.
What's the story? Prince Charles is going to lay the wreath on Remembrance Day instead of the Queen because, quite frankly, she is too old for this shit.
Reasonable Take: Honestly, get Helen Mirren to do it, I really don't mind.
Flamin' Hot Grenadier Guards Take: With all due respect your majesty, I would rather see your corpse winched up to the cenotaph on a pulley system than see our troops disrespected.
In a since deleted tweet, Tom Newton Dunn split your patriotic grandad like an atom by making him choose between the Queen and the troops. In the same stroke he prompted an identity crisis among all of left-wing Twitter by forcing them to jump to the protection of the monarchy. Great to see the editor of The Sun out here finding new ways to be divisive.
The tweet itself is an outrageous shout. Dunn is clearly a man who loves his troops, that's fine, but to want the Queen to crawl to the cenotaph? Can you imagine? Huw Edwards sombrely narrating the scene as a 91-year-old woman drags her knees across the tarmac, while her entire family and half the army watches on in silence. I'm just worried it might distract from the real message of the day.
PRIME CUT: This week the award for worst take goes to Jim Davidson, the Don Corleone of horrible British blokes.