First Valentine's Day Together

Ah, your first Valentine’s together. You started shagging somewhere between the England World Cup run and the looming start of cuffing season, and you’ve gone Instagram official (couple selfie at Winter Wonderland, both of you happy with the agreed upon Facetune level and signed off tagging the other’s account), and you’ve stopped texting other people almost entirely and you deleted all your apps and you’ve met her dad but not her mum – weird family thing don’t ask about it – and you didn’t spend Christmas together exactly but you kissed on New Year, and you’ve stalked their ex on social media and decided you’re better, and their tenancy is coming up in about eight months and that’s something you’re thinking about – not, like, thinking about! Come on! – but you’re thinking about it, distantly, like you might consider landing on the moon some day, and you’ve had one big row, one big sesh, you’ve both heard each others’ housemates shagging, at least one of you has puked in front of the other and if you think about them even flirting with someone else you get this weird searing hot feeling in the back of your skull that makes you feel like you’re dying. So it’s Valentine’s Day, and you’re ready. What you doing: