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We Asked Our Parents: Is Post Malone Hot?

"I don't think you and I should talk anymore"

by Bettina Makalintal and Rachel Selvin
18 September 2019, 7:10am

Composite image by VICE Staff; original by ATTILA KISBENEDEK/AFP/Getty Images

This article originally appeared on VICE US.

When Post Malone first burst onto the scene—braids, beard, gold grills, and all—his appearance was a quick talking point. From baby bangs paired with two long braids to this short, curly mess to a whole bunch of face tattoos, Post is nothing if not aesthetically free-spirited, and while his look has changed, the commentary has stayed the same: Post is kind of a damn mess, with the most common jabs being that he looks like he smells bad and that maybe he deserves a spot on the next season of Queer Eye.

But wait! It's now 2019. Compared to 2015, when Post popped onto our radars, the world is so much bleaker—and hornier. In our post-Big Dick Energy, post-"horny on main" hellscape of a world, a gauntlet has been thrown: Maybe, Posty is actually, well... um... hot??? As writer Allison Davis posited on The Cut, "I'd let him hose me down in Bud Light in the Champagne room." Bravely, E! News took a bigger stance: "Congratulations, Rockstar: How Post Malone Turned Into a Major Sex Symbol."

For generations weaned on weird alt haircuts and the increasing prevalence of face tattoos, perhaps this is what we should expect: The snake has eaten its own tail until Posty's grossness has also, seemingly, become his sex appeal. But we (by which I mean, millennials and under) cannot truly or fairly be the arbiters here; there is too much baggage in this decision about Post. We had to ask people whose feelings on Post Malone's fuckability hadn't been colored by memes or tweets or thinkpieces. We had to ask... parents.

Rather, we had our Snapchat team pose a challenge to viewers: Ask your parents if Post Malone is hot. Here's what they had to say.

Many moms came back with a hard 'HELL NO.'

1568751233843-Caroline
1568746939351-Andrew
1568751428947-Updated_Mami

Others—including a dad!—saw a diamond in the rough.

1568751399686-Hannah
1568747006700-Liz


1568747048535-Rebecca
1568747153226-Stephanie
1568747208702-Other-Jessica
1568747596081-Uma

Some parents brought the snark.

1568751333446-Isaiah
1568751305980-Melody
1568751362639-Megan

This mom had a lot of thoughts.

1568747313864-Tori-I
1568747327078-Tori-II

There you have it, folks. Parents: they're just like us—some of them might be into Post Malone, but if they're smart, they're keeping it to themselves.