The Hangover News

World Policing
THE US IS GOING TO START ARMING REBELS IN SYRIA
Since confirming that the al-Assad regime has used nerve gas against its own people

Syrian rebels. (Photo by Rick Findler)

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Since CIA tests reportedly found conclusive evidence that the Syrian government has used chemical weapons against rebels, the American government have announced that they will be providing military aid to Syrian rebel groups.

A White House statement said, "Following a deliberative review, our intelligence community assesses that the Assad regime has used chemical weapons, including the nerve agent sarin, on a small scale against the opposition multiple times in the last year."

That was followed by Senator John McCain claiming he had been told that Obama had decided to "provide arms to the rebels".

Exactly what weapons will be sent out still aren't confirmed and, according to deputy national security adviser, Ben Rhodes, the government "have not made any decision about a no-fly zone… The best thing we can do is help the opposition on the ground."

No decision has yet been made by David Cameron as to whether the UK should follow America's lead in providing the rebels with weapons, with the prime minister saying any such move would be put to a Parliament vote.

However, Cameron has stated that he is in favour of a no-fly zone and will use the G8 summit to try and convince other world leaders to take an active stance against the “dictatorial and brutal leader”, President Bashar al-Assad.

Local Policing
TURKISH COPS CLEARED THE TAKSIM SQUARE PROTEST CAMP WITH TEAR GAS AND WATER CANNONS
Partly because protesters had apparently hurt Prime Minister Erdogan's feelings 

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Turkish protesters were driven out of their main camp in Taksim Square on Saturday night by barrages of tear gas and water cannons from riot police.

By Sunday morning, bulldozers had moved in to clear tents erected by the protesters, and municipal workers were planting flowers as police kept guard.

However, despite losing a grip on their heartland around Gezi Park, calls have already been made for fresh demonstrations, suggesting – as you might have guessed – that the Turkish crisis is far from over.

According to a spokesman for Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdoğan's AKP party, protesters and Erdoğan had come to a deal after meeting for "ten hours", before protesters went back on their word "behind [Erdoğan's] back" and continued to demonstrate.

Which was really mean and must have been a hard thing for Erdoğan to deal with between sending police to tear gas his own people and calling some 1,000 additional riot police to Istanbul as he prepares to rally his supporters.

Potential Civil Wars
MORE BOMBS IN IRAQ HAVE GOT EVERYONE CONVINCED THERE'S GOING TO BE A SECTARIAN WAR
Which is good, because there obviously isn't enough fighting already going on in the world

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At least 27 people have been killed in Iraq after a series of attacks that mainly targeted Shia Muslims.

Two car bombs exploded in the predominately Shia city of Basra, killing five and wounding ten, as well as more explosions targeting Shia communities in Mahmudiya in southern Baghdad, Najaf, Nassiriya, Kut, Hilla and Tuz Khurmato.

No group has yet claimed responsibility, but Sunni Islamist insurgents and the Iraqi branch of al-Qaeda have allegedly been trying to increase tension between members from each sect of Islam since the beginning of the year, which isn't helped by the fact that Sunni and Shia Iraqis have been crossing into neighbouring Syria to fight for opposing sides.

The continued attacks have got analysts worried that Iraq may soon be subjected to a full-on sectarian civil war, which clearly isn't good news for anyone but those who like watching people die because of religion.

And those people are criminally sadistic psychopaths, so we probably shouldn't try to appease their wishes.

Infectious Fetishes
LOTS OF WESTERN MEDIA RECKON THERE'S AN EYE-LICKING FETISH SWEEPING JAPAN'S SCHOOLS
It can give you conjunctivitis and eye-chlamydia, which sounds pretty sexy 

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According to lots of Western media sources, there's a new sexual fetish sweeping Japan's schools: oculolinctus – where kids lick each other's eyeballs because, inconceivably, it feels great.

The trend is thought to have been kicked off by a bit in the above video by Japanese band Born (where a model licks someone's eye) and has been known to cause pink eye, eyeball-chlamydia and corneal scratching, which all sound like the kind of mementos you'd want after any sexual encounter not involving genitals.

However, commenters on pretty much every report are claiming the story is link bait, exploiting clichés about Japan being a weird place where people buy used underwear from vending machines and assault the anuses of strangers.

It's unlikely the story will be confirmed unless someone goes round documenting children licking each other's eyes, but that sounds kind of illegal.

So, for now – if you care about it at all – keep on reading the articles, assess the comments and make up your own mind.

Consumer Complaints
A MAN IN BIRMINGHAM CALLED THE POLICE BECAUSE HIS PROSTITUTE WAS UGLY 
He claimed she was breaching the Sale of Goods Act 

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In a landmark moment for consumer justice, a Birmingham man called the police to complain that the prostitute he had arranged to meet wasn't as attractive as she had advertised in the local paper.

Shockingly, the police failed to react to his claims that the woman was "breaching the Sale of Goods Act", instead telling him that, "[the prostitute] had not committed any offences and that it was his actions, in soliciting for sex, that were in fact illegal".

That didn't seem to change the caller's attitude, as he complained that, "Basically she has misdescribed herself, misrepresented herself totally," before explaining that, "She was angry because she obviously thinks I owe her a living or something."

The anger he was speaking of was allegedly manifested in the woman grabbing his car keys, running away a bit then throwing the keys in his face, all – presumably – while he tracked down the Panorama hotline in a bid to expose the fact that escorts sometimes don't use photos of themselves while advertising in newspapers.