Advertisement
DAMIEN, 25
Advertisement
I'm away from the apartment four or five times a week, and I work at night on the weekends. The only times when we are at the apartment together is after work for an hour or two. I've been trying to make more plans so I don't have to be there. We have a living room, a bedroom, and a spare office room. We're either in the same room with obvious tension, or I go upstairs.I make enough to get by, and when I started to see the breakup coming, I got a second job bartending on the weekends and started saving some money. One time, I hung up on her on the phone when I was out with a friend. The next day, I got home, and she had smashed a bunch of shit—she threw the alarm clock at the wall, smashed a lamp, broke a mirror, kicked out stair rails. I don't know what's going to happen with the deposit, there's so much damage. I'm not expecting to get any of the deposit back. That would've paid for part of my deposit at my new place, so it's frustrating to have to suffer financially, on top of everything else."I've been trying to make more plans so I don't have to be there." — Damien
SUZI, 30
Advertisement
We had been together for three day shy of eight years and basically lived together that entire time, almost from the first day we met. He was 18 at the time and I was 21. He wanted to move out of his mom's place, and I was looking for a place after college, so we kind of started living together—a lot of it out of convenience and wanting to see each other. It didn't feel too soon or anything.We've always had a good relationship as roommates and with sharing resources like food and space. Over those eight years, we shared tiny bedrooms, houses full of other people, cabins on farms. We even lived in a van together for a month before we bought this building.We've been broken up now for a year and four months. We're in a good place right now as friends, but it's been really hard. We still love each other, and I think the fact that we still live together makes it harder to have that clean break from each other, because we still see each other in a certain way. We still go shopping together and make meals together. I've showered in his room. We're still so wrapped up in each other's spaces and lives in certain ways."The fact that we still live together makes it harder to have that clean break from each other, because we still see each other in a certain way." — Suzi
Advertisement
Lily, 25
Advertisement
We've hooked up since we broke up. I don't think either of us regret that, but I think it's probably pretty often that I've considered getting back together. He was in a few really serious long-term relationships, and I think he's trying to do casual, physical things for a while because he didn't get an opportunity to get to do that when he was younger.He hasn't brought anyone back here yet, but I remember the first time he slept with someone new. It had been a couple weeks into the break up, and I carved up the kitchen table with a knife. I freaked out. I had a huge mental breakdown. I would hope that doesn't happen again and that's why we're not having him bring someone over right away. I would probably just sit in my room and cry until she left or just leave. I don't know how thin the walls are.For the first month, I didn't stay here most of the time. I was staying the night at my friends' houses and on people's floors. I couldn't even look at him. For the first two months, every time we were home together, we would cry. It wasn't a lot of fighting. A lot of it was the same conversation over and over, and we got nowhere. We were drinking a lot and not sleeping.Now, we talk so much more than we did before. Every conversation is really emotionally open now. He was always pretty emotionally guarded, and we needed to talk. Sometimes it's a whole day of "this is how I feel." We have really good days and really, really, really bad days. The longer it goes on, the more it seems like there are good days.Our lease is month-to-month now, but I have no intention of moving out. When I get mad, I say I'm going to leave, but I like living here. I don't think we'd ever get back together in a strict, monogamous thing—not for a long time. I can't imagine not being in each other's lives significantly, even if we never have sex ever again. That was never the basis of our relationship anyway.Follow Belinda Cai on Twitter."For the first two months, every time we were home together, we would cry." — Lily