PA Images
When, in my bleaker moments, I ruminate over the things that could spell the end of humanity, I usually come to roughly the same conclusions. Global warming, that's a big one. Nuclear apocalypse – always a worry. And you can't rule out a Biblical smiting, because maybe we were all wrong about secularism and it turns out God is ready to go full Old Testament on us.But it seems that those possibilities pale into statistical insignificance in comparison to football. Yes, it's football that's going to bring about our end, our inevitable demise.Terrifyingly, more than half of us now admit that the beautiful game gets us more excited than sex. According to research done by Nissan, 56% of Brits say that watching football is the moment or activity which gets them most excited week to week; by comparison, only 48% nominate sex as the main highlight. Likewise, we commit an average of 3.5 hours to football a week – and only 2.1 hours to sex.That's right: most of us would probably prefer to indulge in Swansea against Aston Villa than move things into the bedroom. Statistically, we're more interested in settling down with a tinny, putting our feet up and embarking on a marathon Football League Tonight session than, y'know, impregnating each other.It's not difficult to see where this is headed. We're just going to dwindle away with an impotent, sexless whisper, swirl quietly down the plughole of non-procreation with a melancholy gurgle. The logical conclusion is that human beings will simply cease to make sweet love to each other, and die out accordingly. In that final epoch of humanity, as our sex-free descendants watch Norwich vs. Sunderland played out in a giant Mad Max-esque Thunderdome, all carnal pleasure will be sacrificed on the altar of football.That's what I'm taking from those statistics, anyway. Judge them as you see fit.