Chelsea Trademarked Jose Mourinho's Name for a Whole Bunch of Weird Stuff

Be honest with me: How often have you found yourself watching the ceiling fan idly rotate as you try to fall asleep and hope for a world where you can wake up the next day and buy "non-electric candelabras of precious metal" with Jose Mourinho's name or likeness on them? Every fucking day, right?! Well thanks to the ad wizards at Chelsea, that could have happened. You could have lived in that world with Mourinho candelabras of precious metal. On March 31, 2005, Chelsea filed for a trademark on Mourinho's name and signature and it was registered the following year. It does not expire until March 31, 2025.

It is now causing some delay in Manchester United and Mourinho finalizing a deal to replace the ousted Louis van Gaal. If United want to be able to profit off Mourinho's name, say with their own candelabras of precious metal, they will have to buy out Chelsea's ownership in the trademark. It might be worth the cost, however, just look at the possibilities Chelsea imagined for the Special One™:

• deodorants

• deodorant soaps for body and feet

• bleaching preparations and other substances for laundry use

• windscreen cleaning liquids

• CD-ROMs

• sound recording and sound reproducing apparatus and instruments

• nutcrackers

• Articles made of leather and/or of imitation leather

• mittens

• telephones incorporating facsimile machines

• trinkets and fobs

• napkin rings and napkin holders of precious metal

• ornaments of precious metal and ornamental pins

• tankards of precious metal and silver ornaments

• vases of precious metal

• the aforementioned non-electric candelabras of precious metal

• diapers and bibs

Hopefully, for the booming precious metal business, United gets this sorted out posthaste.