Skeletons. They are made of bones! If not your bones, then someone's bones. Wrap enough muscle, skin and sinew around one and, buddy, you have a person. But even being post-person, these merry marrows deserve some respect. The fleshless have jangled about video games pretty much right from the get-go, and with the spooky Halloween season upon us I can't think of a more appropriate time to honour those grinning ghouls. We humbly present a list of the best bones to pop up in the video game world, inside of a body all x-ray style or independently walking the world because skin shouldn't be a prerequisite for adventure.
Advertisement
As usual, this list is definitive, and cannot be argued with. These simply are the best skeletons. And no, I haven't played Undertale.10) Murray the Demonic Skull from The Curse of Monkey IslandRanking low on the distinction that Murray is more of a skull than a full skeleton, Murray is all that remains of a skeleton pirate blown up in the prologue of The Curse of Monkey Island. Decapitated but not forgotten, Murray reappears constantly in Guybrush Threepwood's adventure, often, to boast that even without any arms, legs, mobility, or eyes, he is a force to be reckoned with. In the following game, Escape From Monkey Island, you can unlock a Pong minigame that uses Murray as the ball. I loved him lots as a kid, and I will hard pass on checking to see if angry skeleton jokes hold up in adulthood.
9) Spinal from Killer InstinctListen, Killer Instinct is a game about long, sick combos. Not creativity. The game that features a dinosaur, a lava man, an ice man, and a boxer simply wasn't complete without a pirate skeleton, lifted from either a Ray Harryhausen film or a rubber-stunk Halloween decoration aisle. A warrior brought back through science by the game's ominous Ultratech corporation, Spinal is a foe distinct from other skeletons because he wears a red headband.
8) You in Crap! No One Loves MeJust like in life, you may enter the Arcane Kids' extremely tough but extremely gratifying coffin bobsledding adventure as a full body, but that's not how you leave. Upon collision, your casket racer shatters open revealing a glowing sack of bones that looks like a keychain that could be bought for 400 tickets at an arcade. As frustrating as watching your dumb bones fly might be, you can actually win every level as the skeleton as long as it passes the finish line, almost-just like the end to Cool Runnings. Except with skeletons. Death may have claimed you, but you have still claimed victory.
7) The Giant Skeleton from Golden Axe's Character Selection ScreenWell this adventure is off to an amazing start! I can't think of anyone I'd rather offer me nearly naked people with swords than a giant blue skeleton. Also, why is it making the same hand gesture as my bubbie coming in for a big kiss?
6) Dirk the Daring's Skeleton in Dragon's LairSimilar to the death animation in Ghosts 'n Goblins, you will see your medieval adventurer collapse into a pile of bones fairly often. Even more than the Ghosts 'n Goblins series, Dragon's Lair is trial and error manifested. The only way to really know how to beat Don Bluth's fully animated arcade game is to simply hash if you have to zig or zag around all the snakes, fire pits, and mad knights. Because this cycle must make Dirk the Daring's life an uncompromising hell, everytime he goes down he just give you this dry scowl like a parent disappointed that you don't even bother hiding the bong anymore.
5) Mr. BonesIn a game that could only exist on the Sega Saturn, and could only be made by Ecco the Dolphin's Ed Annunziata, Mr. Bones is about a skeleton who battles an evil warlock and an army of the undead by playing blues guitar. I'm not going to make any jokes. This is a very serious matter. Without Mr. Bones and his blues guitar, why, we'd be overrun with the undead. We owe him our gratitude, if not more.
Rumour has it that back when the show's creators were uncertain they'd make it past a season or two, the ending to The Simpsons would reveal that under Marge's hair were a set of giant bunny ears, akin to Matt Groening's previous cartoon Life in Hell. There's no evidence of this in the show. In the 1991 arcade Konami game, however, some very important Simpsons lore is revealed.
Image: Sony
3) DarkBeast Paarl from BloodborneAn ancient beast and Electric Wizard album come to life, DarkBeast Paarl is a massive, gruesome collection of bones in the shape of a mutt, covered in wisps of hair and fiery blue lightning. Choosing one specific skeleton from the From Games library is like choosing a favourite between my children's putrid corpses, but Paarl really knows how to fill a room.
2) Manuel "Manny" Calavera from Grim FandangoDreamer, hero, terrible travel agent, vertically challenged. Manuel "Manny" Calaverawas our guide to Tim Schafer's unique vision of the underworld, full of criminals, corruption, revolutionaries, and party balloon clowns. While not the most adept in his social skills, Calavera reinvents himself as he travels deeper into the land of the dead. In this detective noir setting, Calavera remains a coy rebel without a pulse.
1)Yorick from CastlevaniaAlas, poor Yorick, you stupid idiot. I mean, look at this knucklehead. Usually in corner rooms or smaller corridors, Yorick kicks his skull around the room and scampers after it. If you destroy the skull before the body, Yorick will freeze up and look sad and confused, or at least I'm assuming, because it's just a headless skeleton body. The most memorable gag enemy in the Castlevania series, made all the better because that bastard always seems to land a hit on you anyway.
ONE EMAIL. ONE STORY. EVERY WEEK. SIGN UP FOR THE VICE NEWSLETTER.
By signing up, you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy & to receive electronic communications from Vice Media Group, which may include marketing promotions, advertisements and sponsored content.
9) Spinal from Killer InstinctListen, Killer Instinct is a game about long, sick combos. Not creativity. The game that features a dinosaur, a lava man, an ice man, and a boxer simply wasn't complete without a pirate skeleton, lifted from either a Ray Harryhausen film or a rubber-stunk Halloween decoration aisle. A warrior brought back through science by the game's ominous Ultratech corporation, Spinal is a foe distinct from other skeletons because he wears a red headband.
8) You in Crap! No One Loves MeJust like in life, you may enter the Arcane Kids' extremely tough but extremely gratifying coffin bobsledding adventure as a full body, but that's not how you leave. Upon collision, your casket racer shatters open revealing a glowing sack of bones that looks like a keychain that could be bought for 400 tickets at an arcade. As frustrating as watching your dumb bones fly might be, you can actually win every level as the skeleton as long as it passes the finish line, almost-just like the end to Cool Runnings. Except with skeletons. Death may have claimed you, but you have still claimed victory.
6) Dirk the Daring's Skeleton in Dragon's LairSimilar to the death animation in Ghosts 'n Goblins, you will see your medieval adventurer collapse into a pile of bones fairly often. Even more than the Ghosts 'n Goblins series, Dragon's Lair is trial and error manifested. The only way to really know how to beat Don Bluth's fully animated arcade game is to simply hash if you have to zig or zag around all the snakes, fire pits, and mad knights. Because this cycle must make Dirk the Daring's life an uncompromising hell, everytime he goes down he just give you this dry scowl like a parent disappointed that you don't even bother hiding the bong anymore.
5) Mr. BonesIn a game that could only exist on the Sega Saturn, and could only be made by Ecco the Dolphin's Ed Annunziata, Mr. Bones is about a skeleton who battles an evil warlock and an army of the undead by playing blues guitar. I'm not going to make any jokes. This is a very serious matter. Without Mr. Bones and his blues guitar, why, we'd be overrun with the undead. We owe him our gratitude, if not more.
2) Manuel "Manny" Calavera from Grim FandangoDreamer, hero, terrible travel agent, vertically challenged. Manuel "Manny" Calaverawas our guide to Tim Schafer's unique vision of the underworld, full of criminals, corruption, revolutionaries, and party balloon clowns. While not the most adept in his social skills, Calavera reinvents himself as he travels deeper into the land of the dead. In this detective noir setting, Calavera remains a coy rebel without a pulse.
1) Yorick from CastlevaniaAlas, poor Yorick, you stupid idiot. I mean, look at this knucklehead. Usually in corner rooms or smaller corridors, Yorick kicks his skull around the room and scampers after it. If you destroy the skull before the body, Yorick will freeze up and look sad and confused, or at least I'm assuming, because it's just a headless skeleton body. The most memorable gag enemy in the Castlevania series, made all the better because that bastard always seems to land a hit on you anyway.
