Stillborn Photos Are a Way for Parents to Grieve a Complicated Loss

This article contains stillborn photography, which may be sensitive for some readers.

Last week, model and TV personality Chrissy Teigen shared news of her pregnancy loss on Instagram through several black and white images taken in hospital, including one where Teigen is crying, and another where her and husband, singer John Legend, are holding baby Jack, who is wrapped in a blanket. 

While many shared supportive reactions, others criticized Teigen, specifically for taking and sharing pictures. 

“Chrissy Teigen is so distraught over her miscarriage that she took the time to pose for a photo of herself crying, in black and white for dramatic effect, then shared that photo with the world along with her words. Stop it,” tweeted self-described conservative Christian media personality Carmine Saba. 

The Twitter account for Diamond and Silk, a pair of sisters who claim to be “President Trump’s most loyal supporters” asked, “How do you conveniently have someone taking photos of you in the midst of a painful experience that should be personal and discreet?” 

But the photos aren’t part of an indulgent celebrity trend, nor are they abnormal. They offer a way for families to cope with the loss of a life that was too short to make many memories—a loss that many outsiders are uncomfortable acknowledging, according to experts who spoke to VICE. 

“The loss of a baby, it just magnifies how uncomfortable people are with death because it goes against the natural order of things,” said Gina Harris, chief executive officer for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, a nonprofit that connects grieving parents with photographers who specialize in bereavement photos surrounding the death of a baby. 

Harris, whose first son David died at birth, said her photos of him are her “most prized possession.” 

Since it was founded in 2005, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep has facilitated 50,000 portrait sessions and has photographers around the world, Harris said, noting that one in four pregnancies in the U.S. ends in a miscarriage. But there’s still a stigma attached to the photographs. 

Sara Martel, a researcher at the Institute for Better Health, Trillium Health Partners (a research facility associated with a Toronto hospital network) has studied the use of photography in bereavement support for families who had experienced the death of a newborn.

Martel said “there’s a wall of silence” around pregnancy loss—a sentiment that while photos of baby bumps and healthy newborns should be shared widely, “the loss should never be seen.” In Teigen’s case, she said the backlash is likely exacerbated by the fact that she’s a celebrity who is seen as capitalizing on a sad moment. 

But for parents, Martel said photos may end up being one of the few pieces of evidence of their child’s existence. 

“In other forms of grief you often have years of memories,” Martel said. “You have a biography there and you have memory there and you have all of the things that make up a human life.” 

But with miscarriages or newborn death, parents may not even have a birth certificate. 

Despite the brevity of their time with the baby, Martel said the death of a newborn is “one of the most devastating losses and most complicated losses that anyone can experience.”

And photos can be a helpful way of dealing with those emotions, she said, noting some parents will continuously look at the photos as they work through their grief, hang them in their homes, or share them online with their families and friends. 

Seattle-based photographer Ali Furtwangler lost her baby in 2011. She got photos taken with him through Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep—two of which are hanging as large canvas pieces in her home. 

Furtwangler said the photos help signify to others that it’s OK to talk about her son—and that it’s a way for her other children to get to know him. 

“He’s a big part of our family and he always will be,” Furtwangler said. 

After her son died, Furtwangler decided to become a photographer, specializing in family photography and newborn bereavement. 

She said sometimes when she walks into a shoot, a family will be hesitant to touch their baby, so she may ask them to place their baby’s feet in their hands. Over the course of a session, the parents may end up cuddling and kissing their child. 

“It’s a beautiful thing to be able to see,” she said, “to help them know that it’s OK to love on the baby.” 

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