Lying is bad and we should all treat one another with honesty and respect or whatever, but every now and then, someone crafts such a bold and complex lie that you can't help but step back and appreciate it. There was the time Anna Delvey scammed her way through NYC, the monumental shitshow that was Fyre Festival, and that incredible Tinder con, to name a few of the most glorious scams in recent memory. This guy's alleged attempt at faking a workplace injury, though, is not one of them.
This week, New Jersey authorities released security footage that they say shows a man purposefully slipping on ice for the insurance claim, and, well—he probably could've tried a little harder.
The man, 57-year-old Alexander Goldinsky, was working as a subcontractor at a Woodbridge company last fall when he supposedly took a nasty spill after slipping on some spilled ice from a soda fountain, My Central Jersey reports. But in the security footage, he seems to fragrantly toss the ice cubes on the ground himself before summoning the courage to step on the ice and—gently, slowly—collapse to the floor.
Unfortunately, the pratfall leaves a lot to be desired. Just watch:
According to the Middlesex County Prosecutor's Office, Goldinsky was treated at the hospital after the fall and eventually filed an insurance claim for the injury. He was arrested January 15 and is now facing fraud charges.
"The investigation revealed that Goldinsky purposely threw the ice on the floor in the cafeteria at his workplace, placed himself on the ground, and waited until he was discovered," authorities said in a statement.
All official charges aside, the guy should be ashamed if this is really his best attempt at faking a slip-and-fall injury. There's no big slip, no terrible mid-air twist, no wild, flailing tumble ending in a nasty landing. All he does is awkwardly shuffle his way to the ground with one hand on the counter to steady himself. Is that it? Is that really all you've got? Come on.
Sure, we can't all be Chevy Chase, but let's be real here—if you're going to take a dive, at least make it spectacular. Have some pride in your work, man.
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