Mitch Albom, the nation's most prolific schmaltz factory, has written a musical about hockey called "Hockey, The Musical!" In it, five people are tasked with saving hockey after Abe Simpson God decides that there are too many sports and gets rid of it. "It's all about laughter and having fun," Albom said.I don't know why the first idea to fix the problem of too many sports was to flood the entire planet, but God can be a vengeful SOB, so I guess that checks out. But God is also a Canadian in the play, which we already knew, so you figure he would get rid of the NBA or soccer. It's a comedy, as you can tell—billed as "The funniest, bawdiest, Skate-tapping musical ever!"—and we're not going to fact check too much.Here is a quote from Mitch Albom about hockey:
Humour starts right from the start when God determines humans have created too many sports and he decides to eliminate one altogether.
After dismissing the idea of flooding the planet, the deity sends to earth an angel, who arbitrarily decides to wipe out hockey.
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And another:"It's an underdog sport, it's a blue-collar sport," Albom said. "It's not glitzy, it's not glamorous. The guys are hardworking, they don't have all their teeth."
I don't think I'd ever describe hockey as "quirky," but I also didn't write a book about a magical guitarist who came to this country with nothing but "an old guitar and six precious strings" called The Magic Strings of Frankie Presto, so what the hell do I know?Albom wrote the music and lyrics himself but also combined them with existing songs from the 50s and 60s. Here's a sample lyric: "God brought us all forth from a place in the great white north. He created the loonie and Brian Mulroney and other things of that sort." Other songs in the play include:"I always thought hockey was a quirky enough sport that, if you're ever going to do a musical about a sport — and make it funny — it would make a great subject."
- "Put On Skates"
- "Kill Baseball"
- "God is a Canuck"
- "Oh, Octopus, My Octopus"