Donald Sterling Has Cancer and Was Banned from Nevada's Most Famous Brothel

Welcome to another edition of This Week in Racism. I’ll be ranking news stories on a scale of one to RACIST, with “one” being the least racist and “RACIST” being the most racist.

–Take away a man's pride, his reputation, $2.5 million, and his basketball team (and give him cancer), but for the love of God, don't take away his prostitutes! Unfortunately for wealthy bigot Donald Sterling, that's exactly what happened to him this week. The NBA banned him for life, fined him the maximum amount possible, and began the process of forcing him to sell the Los Angeles Clippers. As of Wednesday, he is now also banned from the Bunny Ranch, a world-famous legal brothel near Carson City, Nevada. To Donald Sterling, I say…

Bunny Ranch owner Dennis Hof told the Huffington Post, "At any given time, 20 to 23 percent of the prostitutes here are African American. And they're smoking hot. Some of them were crying this morning, so we're doing this for them as well. We don't need racists or bigots at the Bunny Ranch." Say what you want about basketball players, Donald Sterling, but don't let me catch you making hot chocolate princesses cry! I will fuck you up, man! Hof recently banned the cast of Duck Dynasty as well, due to their stance on marriage equality. He also banned quarterback Michael Vick, just so you know that he's not just banning white people. When it comes to banning people from his brothel, Dennis Hof doesn't see color.

Let me just note here that in his statement to the Huffington Post, Hof not only forcefully declared himself to be a tireless fighter for equality but also slyly snuck in that he has a stable full of sexy black ladies at his "disposal." You'd almost think that he was using this controversy to promote his business. I'll give this particular story a 2, since this isn't "This Week in Clever Marketing Schemes."

–Donald Sterling and a few black sex workers are not the only ones to suffer from the existence of Donald Sterling. The head of the LA chapter of the NAACP, Leon Jenkins, resigned from his position due to his questionable connection to Sterling. The LA NAACP had already given him an award in 2009, and was about to give him yet another one until it was revealed that he probably smears poop on his trophy and scribbled "Coon" on the door of their office's bathroom stall. Part of me thinks that Leon Jenkins just kept Donald Sterling around so that he could proudly state that he has "a white friend" at cocktail parties, but that's just idle speculation. 5

–The LA NAACP's relationship with Donald Sterling was also troubling for an entirely different reason, according to Utah State Representative David Lifferth, who tweeted the above.

Lifferth clarified his tweet, by saying, "Yes, any group that tries to advance specific people based on their race is by definition racist, according to the Salt Lake Tribune. Not only is that a pretty wide generalization that could apply to groups as varied as the Ku Klux Klan and the Scottish Scholarship Fund of New Hampshire, but it's also not the first time Lifferth has said something questionable.

The Tribune also reported that in the past, Lifferth has referred to gay rights activists as the "Gaystapo." After he realized there was no way he could spin NAACP statement without coming off like the Grand Marshall of the 2015 White Man March, Lifferth backed off, apologized, and said his tweet was a "joke," which he deleted. "The NCAAP [sic] is not a racist organization." He gets one letter wrong in that sentence, and it makes his apology funnier than the joke he was apologizing for.

Probably should proofread your apologies from now on, David. I'm sure you'll be making many more in the future. 7

The Five Best Donald Sterling Tweets That Feature the Word "Nigger":

Donald Sterling is a nigger. Since a "nigger" is someone who is ignorant, right.?

— Fresco Mills (@frescomills) April 26, 2014

Donald Sterling can call me a nigger all he wants if he paying me 8 million a year.

— (@iPOSTBADTWEETS) April 27, 2014

Breaking news: Donald Sterling really fired Vinny Del Negro because he hated his last name and called him Del Nigger when upset…

— E.F.Cuttin™ (@EFCuttin) April 27, 2014

They banned Donald Sterling for life for being Racist… Can they ban all the white kids on xbox that call me a nigger for life too?

— ㅤㅤㅤㅤ (@EcksOhh) April 29, 2014

I'll go Donald Sterling on that nigger if he gets close to my gf again!

— Dillon Anthony (@14Dillon) April 30, 2014

Follow Dave Schilling on Twitter.