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Sports

Reddit User Thinks LeBron is a Genetically Modified Test-Tube Baby Created by the Government

One Reddit user thinks LeBron is almost certainly a genetically mutated human with no actual father, created by the government or shadowy private interests.
May 24, 2015, 12:35am
I believe that lebron was a precursor experiment to create super soldiers. something where they were just like "well let's test it out on some poor people that no one will notice and see if we can get any results before we sink more billions into this."

An individual fires up his Reddit account, types that sentence (and many, many others), and just like that, we are off like fucking gangbusters.

A Reddit user has come to the conclusion that it is at least reasonably arguable that LeBron James was created by either the government or a faceless private entity impregnating Gloria James with some kind of mutated human DNA in order to create super soldiers, the unintended consequence of which is we are now witnesses to the greatest basketball player in the world. The signs are all there, really, and they just needed to be put together in the proper perspective for the truth to be uncovered.

LeBron James is too good, at too many things, for him to be just a normal person. His size, speed, and agility—not to mention his intelligence—could not possibly all naturally occur in the same person. To be more precise, at least according to this reddit user, there is at least a 50 percent chance that LeBron James is a "genetically modified human being and in turn, has no father." Is it more probable than not that this Reddit user is Ted Wells? Unclear, but it is certainly possible.

OK, so LeBron is probably a mutant, but how?

I am serious. we all know (and I swear I am not saying this to be insulting or mean) that lebron's mom was a crack whore (is drug addicted prostitute better?) it's just a fact, it happened. I am NOT saying this to be mean, in fact I am a heroin addict and know a few woman who have sold themselves for dope, it happens. they are not bad people.

OK, but how do we get from LeBron's mom was a "crack whore" to LeBron's mom was a "crack whore" who gave birth to a scientific experiment created by the military industrial complex?

and the government has a history of using prostitutes and impoverished people in "experiments." read about MK-ULTRA. it happened. the CIA used to have prostitutes slip LSD to johns and then the agents would watch what happened thru 2-way mirrors. the government helped start and continue the crack epidemic of the 80s.

This sounds kind of...crazy?

it's not all that crazy.

I dunno, man. I just said it sounds kind of crazy.

you don't think the government has interest in creating genetically modified super human soldiers?

I mean, maybe it does?

we know for a FACT it does. it's been documented. You don't think russia or china has interest in such a thing? you know they do. and anything russia or china is or would be doing we are doing. to do it first and do it better.

OK, the Russians are definitely snakes and we should be keeping an eye on them. I will give you that. But, like, how did it work? Did they just create him and let him off into the wild? Is he the only one?

he's some kind of experiment that they just monitored from a distance and let keep growing. and i mean this was probably initially started with just a few people who believed it could be done and that's why it started small and covert using regular civilians.

That's smart. Fewer people to blow the whistle. But how could they monitor these people without drawing too much attention from outsiders? Or the specimens themselves?

where else would such a person end up besides in a professional sports league?

[Looks around nervously] Ho...holy shit. LeBron is in the NBFreakingA!

I think there is probably some secret base(s) out there that are now filled with people like lebron, younger than him probably. if they couldn't see how well the experiment worked until he was about 16-18 years old (he was pretty much a full grown man at 16 and could have came off the bench for any NBA team if not started) than maybe there are a bunch of 9-15 year old super humans like lebron (not copies of him but given the same genetic boost that he was) eating chow in some secret barracks right now.....

He's right. He's absolutely right. The only thing that bothers me is Gloria James. If this is true, why wouldn't she just come forward and admit it, just say "I participated in a government experiment and LeBron was the result"?

Oh, there's an update to the post, let's see what it's about.

edit: something I'd like to add in case someone says "well if this is true why wouldn't lebron's mom come forward and admit it, just say I participated in a government experiment and lebron was the result."

[looks around even more nervously] What. The. Hell.

well she doesn't know. it's simple, she goes to a hotel with a john, he slips something in a drink and she gets knocked out-cold. they take her and do whatever they did. give her some amnesiacs or anesthesia (probably benzos too) so when she wakes up she's in a haze and doesn't remember anything. not even the john. she finds out she's pregnant later and just assumes she got knocked up by any random john. has lebron. shit even if she participated willingly, got paid, and knows everything, no one would believe her crazy ass.

There is no denying that all of this is nearly impossible to disprove.

h/t @getnickwright

[Reddit]