'I Don't Want You to Die Young': The Families of Trans People Speak

"Our families can be our most important sources of support and safety," Biko said in an interview with Broadly. "Many trans people don't feel safe or supported by their families, and many of us face violence." She made a comparison to the case of Bri Golec, a 22-year-old trans woman and Ohio native whose father stabbed her to death in 2015. "I know that the reason I've been able to survive and thrive as a black trans woman who's from Ohio is because of the support of my family," Biko explained.

One particularly moving film in the series highlights a transgender woman in her 20s, Bailey Stiles, beside one of her older brothers. In the film, she describes their hometown as being on the "buckle" of our nation's "Bible Belt," that rural, conservative stretch of Midwest known for not being the most accepting of unfamiliar beliefs and lifestyles. With her supportive brother by her side, Stiles shares what it's like to live there, with her loved ones.

In an interview with Broadly, Stiles said she wanted to participate in the Families in Transition series because she's always been candid about her personal history, and she felt it could be important to share it with a larger audience. She wanted both of her two brothers to appear in the film with her, but one was unable to get off work. "He wanted to do it to show that he was really there for me still, and that men and family members can still show love and be normal with their trans family member," Stiles said, adding that her brothers treat her as they always have, teasing their younger sibling.

In the film, Stiles relays the difficulty she's had finding a job in Missouri, despite being highly qualified as a hairstylist who has worked in major salons in both Chicago and New York City. "It's crazy that I can't get a job in my own hometown," she says. "We live in Missoura," her brother explains, mimicking the local accent. "Small towns, small minds."

According to data collected by the National Center for Transgender Equality, among other organizations, trans people are twice as likely to be unemployed than members of the general population, and as much as 44 percent of trans people who are working report being underemployed. In Families in Transition, Stiles smartly extrapolates one potential consequence of her difficulty in securing gainful employment: "I, personally, don't look down upon sex work," she said. "But I'm a little disappointed that that's maybe where I'm gonna have to turn to, to make a living." Her brother, who says at one point that "there's no way there's anything wrong with Bailey—it's just Bailey," is visibly shaken by the thought of the harm that could befall his sister. "I'm disappointed in my hometown, that they can't give her a chance." He looks at her and says, "I want you to grow old. I don't want you to die young."

When we think of families rejecting their trans kin, it's common to picture a male figure, a father, grandfather, or brother, who cannot accept that his family member is trans. When she first came out as a gay boy in her teens, Stiles experienced this with her own dad, who disowned her. But her brothers have always stood by her side, and this, she says, is important. "I feel like most men in families do reject the trans women, for the fact the they might not just have the education or understanding that people are who they are," she said, adding that she feels men are less connected to the human race than women are.

"My brothers have always be very protective of me," she continued. "Even as a young boy, they could always know that I was Bailey. They have been some of the best [in terms of] using the right pronoun with no problems and raising their kids to understand, and love, me and all people."

"Families have the power to set trans people up for success or for failure by choosing whether or not to love and support them," Biko said. That fact is tangible in Stiles' life. Living in the Midwest, Stiles realizes that she's alienated from the larger transgender support networks and communities that thrive in metropolises, making her family more important than ever. "I hope there are other families like mine," she said. "I would like to think more people are understanding and loving and have open hearts to all walks of life. All I know is that I am very blessed and lucky to have my family look at me as the human I am today: a strong and passionate trans woman. They are learning how to see me as that more and more each day, and that is all I can ask for—their love and understanding."