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Noisey

Does Drake Even Know How to Smoke Weed?

Last name Smoke, first name… Never? This might be the biggest conspiracy in the history of rap.

It's no secret that Drake sucks at smoking weed: He rarely raps about it; he routinely claims to only do it in moderation; he never posts the late-night smoked-out Instagram. He's such a lightweight that he recently made headlines for allegedly getting too stoned to perform at a concert in Amsterdam, which, buddy, come on. Now, maybe Drake is so weed-averse because he just wants to be a good role model—after all, he's the biggest rapper in the world, and many people of all ages and backgrounds listen to his music. Or maybe he's being fiscally responsible because of the high price an extravagant weed lifestyle can cost musicians. Maybe he's even concerned about the legal consequences and doesn't want to spend his peak years facing drug charges.

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But maybe there's something darker and more sinister at play. Maybe the reason Drake rarely smokes weed is that… Drake doesn't know how to smoke weed at all.

That's right. We here at Noisey are hereby putting forth the conspiracy theory that despite his money, his fame, and his connections, no one ever showed Drake how to smoke weed and, as a result, he is a 30-year-old man physically incapable of properly hitting a blunt. He may have started from the bottom, but, contrary to his lyrics, he definitely stayed there because he has absolutely no idea how to get high.

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