Has it really been 32 years? I feels like just yesterday, me and LeBron were young scamps on the sidewalks of Akron, talking about the dreams for the future. "Someday," he said, as we sat on the curb in front of Dave Tingle's Ice Cream and Toastery, eating our cones of ice cream and our toast, stacked on paper plates, "I'm going to be the greatest basketball player who ever lived!""Absolutely, my dude!" I replied, "As for me, someday there's going to be a robust computer information interexchange, so robust that people will pay me to write articles on it. I know it seems far fetched, but I really think I will find moderate success there!""You're crazy, man! But it's why I like you."And here we are, all those years later. LeBron might not be the greatest basketball player ever, yes, but he is on his way to that noble glory, and I am a moderately successful internet writer, living the wildest fulfillment of my dreams. I can use my position to tell you, good friends till the end of dang time, about the wonderful year he and I have had together.At the beginning of the year, we took our pals on the Cavaliers coat shopping. It was so cold in Ohio this January—all of us on the team riverboat, freezing to our bones in that polar nightmare—so Lebron had the Captain bull the boat to the side of the river and we got out, walked to the nearest mall, and all bought different coats. All except J.R., who bought a long john shirt and traded a blue catfish he fished out of the River for some dude's Cowboys sweater. (He later took off both.) That J.R., guy can't do ANYTHING to the beat of the world's drummer!MAN, we sure ate this pizza fast! Me and my dude LeBron LOVE a pie stacked to the dang roof with veggies. He always tells me: "If you're not getting a good crunch on the pie, just send that sucker back!" And I say, "Hey, Lebron, I agree with you, but that phrase is WAY too unwieldy to ever really catch on!"And then we just laugh and laugh!And laugh!And laugh.(And laugh?)When I was on The Daily Show to talk about my very popular sportsblogging, LeBron tagged along so he would meet Trevor Noah! He loves Trevor Noah, and all comedians. He think they're a real hoot AND a holler!Always a pleasure to see Chappelle, a living legend, in that he is still alive but kind of a weird recluse, with my good pal LeBron! I also don't know why I'm not in any of these pictures!I drew this for my dude LeBron! He said he wanted a drawing of him as Batman, and I said "Are you sure? That's kind of goofy." And he said "Nah man, I'm sure. I really like Batman and I relate to him, because I like to jump across rooftops and beat the shit out of clowns and penguins and psychotic botanists!" And I wasn't really sure about that but since LeBron is my friend I went along with it. I think it turned out nice!Finally, a picture I'm in! I'm in the middle, you can see me pretty good! I have brown hair. Can't believe he finally brought one home this year. We tossed the trophy back and forth in an exhausted daze after three days straight with no sleep in front of the Dave's Cream and Toast where it all started. Very moving stuff.I actually didn't go to the White House specifically for the championship celebration, but I had a meeting with Biden about the trials and triumphs of the American sportsblogger in this modern age, and I just had to stop by and see my dude.What a ride LeBron's 31st year was for me and my good friend LeBron, but, especially, me. To the 32nd of his years, which I also live in! Hip hip!(space for you to say "Hooray")Hip hip!(repeat hooray at your desk)Hip hip!(say Hooray again. Now, begin singing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow" in unison, to celebrate both LeBron on his birthday, and to celebrate me, his friend, who has stood by him all these years. Maybe change it to "For they are Jolly Good Fellows?" Just a suggestion for you to enjoy the article more.)
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