Tech by VICE

The Biggest Douche in Online Media

Emerson Spartz ‘takes pride’ in using data to ‘give people what they want’ [via stupid memes].

Mar 13 2015, 1:10pm

​Life on the content farm is difficult sometimes. Since you are supposed to be a 'writer,' you are told to 'deconstruct everything.' However, deconstructing everything in2 thinkpieces doesn't really allow you to be enthusiastic about anything. It just feels like every1 else is going viral around you based on everything that you aren't doing, and the content that you should 'cover' 4 mad hitz in a voice that appeals to a mass audience is a pointless exercise that is more optimized for a 'just out of college' young adult who should be preyed upon for 'job experience' [via underpaid labor].

The key to success in every profession is enthusiasm. Outwardly projecting a genuine belief in your place in the world/job/life is the most important trait/skill when it comes to achieving success/financial wealth/self-fulfillment. Believe in yourself, believe in your job, believe that the time you spend doing your job is changing the world and/or yourself in a meaningful & quantifiable way. Enthusiasm will give you the power to 'rise within your company' or the fuel to 'become a successful entrepreneur' [via believing in your vision/product].

Enthusiasm leads to success. Believe that every action is allowing you to 'grow' into 'something better.' Don't be subversive or question your job/career/life/industry--there is nothing 2 deconstruct. Every1 just wants to know that are you are 'on board,' looking to scale the idea towards success [via auto-pilot financial security & diversification in2 similar industries].

One of my biggest content farming influences is Emerson Spartz, but not really in a 'good way.' He is a success story that makes me realize I am 'doing everything wrong' and that I will never be successful in this industry. I am in an undesirable position in my content industry's employment pyramid and there is a very, very low ceiling for the scalability of my words [via 'alleged intellectual ideas' with limited 'appeal'].

Emerson Spartz is a well-profiled 'figure' on the internet, who is behind some of the biggest crap websites that you've never read. He's been 'profiled' in  ​The New Yorker as "The King of Clickbait" and in Esquire in pieces that are supposed to make you hate him. Basically, he started some popular Harry Potter website that got millions of views 'when he a teen.' Then he 'discovered the secret to going viral' and now has a media company with tons of content silos, generating mad pageviews, likes, shares, and retweets. His media company is highly dependent upon 'going viral' with clickbait-wave memes 2 idiots on Facebook, and even tests headlines in order to determine the most clickable possible title descriptions.

Emerson Spartz 'takes pride' in using data to 'give people what they want' [via stupid memes]. He will give ppl the content that they truly want, because 'click_thru big_data' will help him unlock the power of viral content.

"To me, virality is the closest that we can get to having a human superpower. If you could make things viral, you could tip elections, you could overthrow dictators, you could start movements, you could revolutionize industries . . ."
-Emerson Spartz

Emerson Spartz is a 'success story.' He has scaled his idea(s). He has 'made money' and has the opportunity to 'grow' his media/technology company into 'something more.' He wants more success. He is driven 2 'change the world' with 'the power' that he has 'at his fingertips.'

Haven't you heard of the Daily Viral? Taste of Awesome? SmartphOWNED? Memestache? Dose? LOLbrary? So many content verticals, encouraging 'users' to 'generate content' 4 the media company. According to his personal website/splash page, his network of content gets 160 million pageviews per month. Seems very 'huge' and 'influential.'

In a TED Talk filmed in the ass crack of Chicago/the suburban Midwest (Naperville), he gives more insight into his 'success.' It is definitely entertaining 2 watch, whether or not you are trying to 'soak in' the 'secrets of success' / approaching life [via ppl who watch TED Talks].

If you have enough enthusiasm, even you could deliver a TED (regional) talk about how you are awesome and approach life/work in an awesome way. You can put on a headset microphone, perform meaningful Steve_Jobs-wave gesticulations, and lead your audience towards many curated low-brow epiphanies. Genuine enthusiasm will lead to 'success' because you can 'create synergies' between your 'profession' and your 'self' in order to feel professionally fulfilled.

I am fascinated by successful personalities because I have finally realized that I am not insane enough to be 'successful.' There is a certain approach 2 life/career/industry deconstruction that needs to be channeled into 'positive outcomes' [via self-serving financial ambition]

How do you become a 'huge douche' in your industry of choice? [via 'mad success' and every1 hates u]

You take the industry 'more seriously' than any1 else in the industry.
You must become obsessed with your industry, thinking there is a way to 'crack the code.' You believe that the industry is some sort of metaphor 4 the human experience, and you are searching 4 truth. Even though it isn't really that abstract and barriers to success are tied to the laziness in human nature, you have risen above. You achieve 'great success' giving you monetary wealth that others are envious of, making you more obsessed with the industry, dependent upon it for your 'successful' identity. You start believing things like 'viral memes' being able to change the world. People hate how seriously you take the industry. Seriously.

"'There's more 2 life than success.' -an unsuccessful person"
-a successful person

Your existence is an evangelistic process of converting people 2 u [via you=awesome].
You believe that your success 'created a system' that can be replicated by others. Online entrepreneurship makes you 'interesting' to unsuccessful people. All of the losers who follow you on social media believe that you have 'something great going for you.' You can bombard them with weak stats about Americans wasting money on coffee, and how that money could 'be used to do something more financially responsible.' Tell people to read a book every day to 'be smarter.' Apply 'old world philosophies' 2 modern culture because you are a timeless visionary. You are a system of success--brand and market this 2 every1 [via sell yourself].

You realize that innovation is overrated.
Tech-centered lifestyle blogs have most people 'creaming their pants' over 'disruption' and innovation. However, the most successful people just do what people have already done, but maybe with a few tweaks here and there. There are numbers/trends that allow you to make pretty good decisions.Great success means that you deconstructed any industry into a lifeless process driven by constraints that you can't necessarily control, but you can at least optimally manipulate them in your favor. Can you truly be passionate about 'the world' as interpreted by content farms? Or are you more interested in the algorithmic behaviors of the 'real ppl' who are clicking around your page?

To become a great content farmer, you must believe in the power of internet content. You must believe that every unique visitor generating every pageview is there for a reason: to consume the best content in the world (because it is the content that you lovingly generated.) Believe in social media. Believe it will allow you to eventually reach the entire world with your message, especially after the Third World gets low-cost mobile devices that will allow them to consume your content.

In order to have a successful mindset on the internet, you must have The_Passion_of_The_Spartz. Embrace the douchey evangelism of 'being successful on the internet' as perceived by netstream audiences. No matter what you are 'blasting' into the internet, you believe it is meaningful, and that the internet will provide you with the necessary 'feedback' to continue creating your valuable future. Every perspective offers a scalable opportunity, but since there is no point in being innovative, remember that the most scalable content/voice/delivery systems have already been figured out. Reduce yourself to the most scalable memes.

ppl like Emerson Spartz make the internet pointless.
No1 even cares about content, they only care about monetizing scalable mechanisms associated with delivering, sharing, and monitoring the content.
None of the content produced under the Spartz Media umbrella 'means anything' 2 any1. He has employed a workforce of drones that produce algorithmically successful content that is proven 2 be successful.
Professional content farmers are not required in the post-Instagram world, where we are all content creators. We have been creatively liberated 2 work 4 free.
Web analytics are arbitrary, and only as valuable as the ad team that justifies your audience's 'worth' to advertisers.
EmBro Spartz proves that there is no point in even running a 'high end' content farm with journalistic stuff, longform, or posts that cost more than $2 to produce.
Emerson Spartz is so successful [via letting us know that trying to content farm any other way is 'completely pointless'].
Sometimes I wish life on the farm wasn't so heavy....
But I guess every1 in every industry is just trying 2 figure out how 2 be enthusiastic
about 'being successful.'