When she walked into the work room for the second season in a row, Eureka was not only dressed like the San Diego Baseball Chicken, she also had a lot of fan support. After leaving early last season due to a knee injury, RuPaul immediately invited her back to season ten so she could compete without a shoddy limb. But now that she’s back, it feels like something might be wrong with Eureka.
We got our first glimpse during the mini challenge. The great doyenne of reality television, RuPaul, put on a Stetson and welcomed the great doyenne of Real Housewives, Andy Cohen, and they, for some reason, had the contestants put on cowgirl drag and do their version of a hoedown (or maybe ho-down?). Eureka, in a big red wig and maroon lipstick all over her teeth, decided that she was going to forego the do-si-do in order to twerk. Now here is a girl who described herself as “countrier than a motherfucking biscuit” but decided to do moves more reminiscent of Big Freedia than Dolly Parton. She seemed a little off her game.
Ru awarded the wins to Asia O’Hara and The Vixen and they were appointed team captains. Each had to pick a group of girls to lip sync in a parody musical called the PharmaRusical. Eureka was picked last and got to choose which team she would join. She picked Asia’s team. Eventually we found out the reason no one wanted her wasn’t because she can’t dance on her bum leg, but because she never shuts up and offers all sorts of unconstructive suggestions. Asia knew exactly what was going to happen and Eureka drove her insane in every single one of her membranes.
The girls were doing little songs for fake drug products like Badonkadonx, which gives queens a bigger butt, and Flaccida, which helps with “restless tuck syndrome,” an ailment I hope to never be struck with.
Drag Race alum Alyssa Edwards served as the choreographer for the challenge, and she was, as always, a delight.
Alyssa held Eureka after class like this is a very special episode of Saved By the Bell to ask her what’s wrong. Eureka said she’s scared to dance because it was in the second episode last season that she hurt herself and she’s afraid that she’s going to go home again.
Alyssa was especially harsh on The Vixen’s team, who didn't seem like they'd prepared as much as Asia's team, even though Asia and Eureka were at odds on account of Eureka never shutting up and offering all sorts of unconstructive suggestions. Having Alyssa be mean to them seemed to work for The Vixen’s team because they came out on top and she was named the winner.
I was a bit surprised because, honestly, I thought both groups were lackluster and I couldn’t really tell the difference between the two. Anyway, The Vixen and all of her teammates—Kameron Michaels, Monét X Change, Miz Cracker, Blair St. Clair, and Mayhem Miller—were safe. That meant two of the standouts on the runway, Dusty Ray Bottoms, who looked like a dancer in a Deee-Lite video, and Aquaria, who looked like the angel who meets you at the gates of Hell, were in the bottom.
The bottom of the bottom ended up being Eureka, who the judges said didn’t know any of the words to her songs, and Kalorie, who guest judge Padma Lakshmi said was “really out of her league here.” It’s sad these two had to go up against each other because they even had a cute theme song: “Big girls, big girls coming through. Better watch out or we’ll eat you.”
On Untucked we got to see Eureka freak out even more, repeatedly walking away from the group and trying to describe what the judges said to her. “They just pretty much read me, I mean not read me, I mean they really didn't read me, they did read me, but..." she said. This girl was so up in her head that she was basically Ram Bahadur Bomjon (he's a Nepalese guy that meditated for ten months, allegedly with no food or water).
She said at one point that she was upset because, if she beat her buddy Kalorie, she’d be taking away her dream. This is something that's happened in the last few seasons of the show where these queens know that being on this program is going to launch their drag careers into the stratosphere, and the longer they can stay on and the more likeable they can become then the more Instagram followers they’ll amass which they’ll be able to transform into merch sales, ticket sales, and longer lines at their meet and greets.
This isn’t the pressure of just winning a competition like on Survivor or Big Brother—these two girls are literally lip syncing for their careers. You could almost put a dollar amount on how much staying for a few more episodes is going to be compared to shuffling off the show early. That’s what I think is wrong with Eureka. She doesn’t want to mess up her second shot, but she also doesn’t want to mess with her bank account and her longevity in the burgeoning worldwide drag scene.
Finally we got to the lip sync. Eureka was dressed like a two-toned scarab that fell to Earth from space and Kalorie was dressed like, well, a drag queen in a sheer bodysuit with some jewels on the private parts. There’s not even anything interesting or silly to compare it to. Maybe a coaster at an upscale boutique? I don’t know.
Kalorie was sent home and, if we’re being honest, it was only a matter of time. She’s a great drag queen, but not as great as her competition and wasn’t really doing much to stand out. It’s funny because last week’s evictee, Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, is already a meme but Kalorie will probably go a lot more gently into that good night. But the real verdict will come in several months, when we see just who has the longer line at DragCon.
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter.
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