Children are often terrors and babies are essentially selfish jerks, but those aren't the only reasons being a mom is the hardest job on the planet. So many well-meaning people misinterpret the expression "it takes a village." Maybe it's your mother-in-law or that guy walking his dog past you on the street—it's amazing how often people feel the need to offer unsolicited advice to mothers. Or backhanded compliments. Or just plain shameful looks at a mother nursing her hungry, clawing, wailing child in public. How about instead you offer some understanding and compassion?
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We spoke to mothers who have been through it all—the first smiles, the stomach viruses, the unimaginably stinky diapers. They shared tips on how they would like to be treated, the things that helped and the things that absolutely didn't.I think probably the common offensive thing to me is when people look at my belly and ask me when I'm going to have another. I'm a nurse and my patients saw me when I was pregnant. They ask me about my child all the time, but they also ask me about having another kid all the time—as though somehow I'm being a bad parent to my daughter because I'm not providing her with a sibling. Like, poor her. I know people that are singletons that are well and capable. Their parents didn't have to go into bankruptcy to put them through college. They're stable individuals. I tell them it's not that easy. If I don't tell them, they keep asking, so I end up saying I've had five miscarriages and explain how hard it was for me to get pregnant. Between health insurance and daycare, having a just one kid is very expensive. If I had another, I'd probably have to quit my job and stay home to take care of them. - LeahLet us know that it's OK when our kids act up, that you've been there too. My son was having a total meltdown in the checkout area, where the candy and trinkets are posted for impulse shoppers. He wanted to buy a magnifying glass for old people. It had all these LED lights all around it. I mean, it was kind of cool, but it was $8.99, and I told him, "No, you can't have it." He started screaming and throwing stuff out of the cart. I was so embarrassed, and I was whispering, "Stop it!" under my breath.I was all sweating because there was this older couple behind us, and I thought they were thinking that I'm a bad mother who can't control her child. But then they said understandingly, "Oh, we've got four of our own. We've been there." And it was great and so helpful, because then I could really let it all out and tell him to cut it out. I could be stern. There's a fear of being a disciplinarian in public. I went apple-picking and saw a grandfather wail on a kid, and I have an internalized fear of being seen like I saw him. But this couple gave me a bit of relief in a moment of kid-related stress. - Nicolette
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